January 19, 2013 § 4 Comments
Two women I respect for their generous acts of kindness and emotional investment in their children have lost their way as friends. Each woman bears hurt feelings and I navigate the space between them cautiously, wanting to keep their easy council as our children’s school years stretch across our futures.
Without either party asking me to abandon a relationship with the other, they have made hurtful statements against one another that has hallowed out the pieces of our friendship that used to bring me joy. These women are not those I call first to celebrate an accomplishment or for strength in the face of difficulty, still they are familiar to my days creating comfort with predictable patterns.
This falling apart has created lingering discomfort that I first attributed to exaggerated silence during the noise of school day dismissals. It took me a while to realize it was my own choice of words and silence that has left me uncomfortable.
I am disappointed in myself for not standing more confidently in my own beliefs. In my efforts to reflect understanding I have created hollow conversations that hint at validation. Rather than speak simply I have danced around a difficult subject underplaying my own opinion and alternately projecting my frustration with passive aggressive posturing that makes me look silly and feel contradictory.
I ask my children to do what I failed to model. I did not say what I meant and I have allowed others to make assumptions without daring to speak up.
I want to be someone who walks among challenges with grace and humility creating space between conflict for compassion and communication. I want to model strength and integrity by holding true to a sense of self while accepting others for their differences. I want to move mountains with a whisper.