all of me
January 23, 2013 § 2 Comments
Divided by the threshold of another’s home I listened with rapt humor and mild mortification on Sunday as my daughter spilled pieces of our private selves dramatically and unapologetically to her friend’s mother. So often I try to tidy myself for the world, presenting my best self, conscious of my shortcomings. My daughter gathers her charm and challenges into each conversation offering everything at once.
The reality that I should be empowered with the responsibility of raising impressionable minds to become a confident individuals seemed a task of impossible portions. Truth is my children were born with a fierce strength that inspires me to grow into myself, repairing tiny tears in my own spirit.
In much the same way I once daydreamed about my children before holding them in my arms, I have gathered visions of the woman I wish for myself and my family into my heart and mind, inviting her to be present each day.
Wanting to be strong but recognizing my weaknesses, I measure potential between fears and insecurities. I name the harms I once held so close my balance was compromised by their weight; giving form to the shadows of old ghosts, shinning a light into corners to cast out fears that grow in the dark.
I use what I am not to create who I could be; inventorying weaknesses to shape them into strengths. Old experiences informing new experiences. It seems impossible that such strength could exist among weakness, but I am a contradiction of dreams and fears.
Standing witness to my daughter’s passionate declarations of self to her friend’s mother I realized I still leave parts of myself tucked safely away. This is one of my greatest gifts as a mother, my children are mirrors of honesty that reflect all of me without apology. It is up to me to recognize each piece of myself and strive each day to reflect the woman I want to be.