September 24, 2013 § 4 Comments
These past weeks my mind has moved through the days distractedly, worries pushing against thoughts and routines disrupted by uncertainties. Physical, mental, and emotional exercises in everyday gestures carry the burden of gymnastics exerted underwater; each effort absorbed by resistance, slowing progress and creating fatigue.
Decisions for the future feel eclipsed by details of the day. Self care shuffled out of mind until anxiety erodes away serenity and I began to unravel in slow motion. Disjointed thoughts and directionless activities have left me run down, consumed by resistance. Today, without apology, I allowed myself a window of emptiness.
My children at school and husband at work, remnants of worries rattled in the silence undermining rest. An inconvenient cold, not unlike uncomfortable doubts, stubbornly distracting me from efforts to indulge in the restorative calm of quiet.
Then with a transparency that mirrored my worries, a simple truth occurred to me: symptoms of weakness are often disproportionate to ability.
For now I am standing still within the problem to lessen resistance, practicing gentle acts of self-care to better nurture a spirit of wellness and balance; weighting myself in strengths and informing my decisions with goals that are written in kindness.