idon’twanna
June 29, 2011 § Leave a comment
One word, stretched out in whiney tones, marking a space of resistance even as I begrudgingly follow the predetermined path of my day. Summer school and swim lessons tugging me forcefully from beneath the weight of evening dreams and into morning routines. I want to pout, plug my ears and hum to drown out the sound of the alarm clock nagging me out of bed. Instead, I curl up with a cup of coffee and let the sunshine fade my frustrations. Saturday I will sleep in.
lucky penny
June 20, 2011 § Leave a comment
Walking with my daughter her hand slipped from mine as she bent towards the sidewalk with an urgency born of discovery. Standing proudly she displayed a lucky penny poised in the air between her fingers. For all its commonness, the simple discovery created a moment of good fortune. This is how I felt at the moment my husband declared a family vacation. With minimal planning and high hopes we are embarking on an adventure that promises a welcome change from the predictable rhythm of our everyday routines and the good fortune of extra time together.
the pool
June 17, 2011 § Leave a comment
On a beautiful summer day, my children wake with these two small words hovering on their lips. Like a silent plea, their eyes hold the anticipation of serendipitous playmates in the cool, frivolous waters of the public pool. My own apprehensions follow me pulling at my attention with the weight of my pool bag, cluttered and burdensome. So we pile into the car, excitement and anxiety our invisible companions and wade into the day. Like holding our breath and reaching blindly for diving toys resting at the bottom of the pool, each visit brings unexpected gifts of friendship. Sometimes for one and occasionally for all. At the end of our play, we leave tired with satisfied smiles, eager for another pool day.
outdoor outtakes
June 15, 2011 § Leave a comment
Scattered beneath the serenity of my waterfall reflections (previous post) were moments of humor and humility…
My daughter and a young boy made immediate, temporary companions in play.
My son scaled a fallen tree with the clumsy efforts of one newly introduced to their limbs.
A shirtless man with an orange tan that seemed to mock the natural lighting of the pond begged for bottled water in the same breath he admitted to dumping his own. (Read: Left the tanning bed to litter.)
My proud, adventurous daughter with the balance of a tightrope walker fell, but bravely fought off tears.
My lanky son, with an unfortunate absence of balance as inherited from his mother, fell twice within the same breath but stood holding a new prized rock.
My patient, outdoor loving husband waded patiently with both children in cold water on slippery rocks while I perched on a beautiful slab of flat, dry rock trying to take pictures.
I was out navigated in the woods by a six-year-old.
summer
June 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
Summer has swept my schedule clear, scattering commitments to the wind like a child casting dandelions into wishes. Each day unfolds lazily as I sort wishes into possibilities. I have lost the quiet moments saved for journaling my thoughts, but gained the company of my children. I have traded sack lunches for picnics and field trips for the neighborhood pool. Sand has filtered indoors smuggled deeply between barefoot toes and colorful beach towels hang like party banners casually strung across the deck. Popsicles punctuate family dinners and cool evenings create happy excuses to toast marshmallows by a fire. Even rainy days feel novel, umbrellas and flip flops funny companions. Late nights and sleepy mornings stretching summer into endless opportunities.
twenty something
May 31, 2011 § 1 Comment
Crossing paths with an old friend washes away the years and makes memories feel nearer to new. Today I am counting the minutes until I am twenty something, falling into laughter and confidences with a close friend. No longer neighbors in the chaotic space of a college dorm, we are wives and mothers sharing new experiences.
Separated by miles rather than a hallway, we share pieces of our day in a series of scattered e-mails rather than through open thresholds in passing. Closing the distance between our homes, we gather with the same sense of belonging, finding our place in an endless conversation. At twenty something we were dreaming of a future. Research papers and finals have faded into book clubs and recipes. Boyfriends are now husbands and we are now mothers. We meet in the present with the strength and comfort of the past, as we find our way in to the future.
rain
May 25, 2011 § Leave a comment
The morning is cast in shades of gray. The sun rests hidden behind dark clouds, while the persistent percussion of heavy raindrops are punctuated with passionate exclamations of thunder drawing us further indoors. Water runs freely across the ground and life imitates art as green and gray dance beneath the water. Lulled by the muffled sounds and darkened skies, I am lost to sleepy daydreams.
the end
May 21, 2011 § Leave a comment
I am perpetually early, in fear of running late. I weather storms with feverish uncertainty until the clock safely marks the end of an ambiguously computed, broadcast window of warning. Imagine my discomfort at overlooking the End of the World.
Like stages of grief I can mark the span of time from learning to worrying. It began with Denial. It cannot be real. Seriously, could I see a reference. I am going to need a little more information. I believe I panicked a couple of Ends ago, so I think I’ll just sit this one out.
Anger then argued with Denial. I miss out on everything, dammit. I would have spent my anticipated last days differently. Tied up a few loose ends. Maybe had a little fun. This is perfect. It’s the End of the World and I am spending it on an Elementary school project and hosting difficult house guests.
I found relief in Bargaining. Here’s what I’ll do. I can’t cancel my plans and we should really finish up this project for my son’s class (just in case). So, I’ll allow myself small indulgences. Maybe a donut. I’m a simple girl.
I am also a bit of an Optimist, so I set aside Depression as a personal choice and embraced Acceptance. Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow.
baggage
May 9, 2011 § Leave a comment
I fell in love with a bag; bright contrasting colors, a symphony of shapes arranged artfully in large playful ruffles. I wore the fabric masterpiece around the boutique, struggling to place the object of my affection at the register. The spontaneous, fun-loving part of my brain was squealing with childish delight imagining lazy, summer afternoons as I embarked on adventures with my children; my bag a treasure trove of beach towels, snacks, and art supplies.
The logical part of my brain itemized complimentary outfits and balanced whim with nagging doubt. Was the fabric washable? Why wasn’t there an interior pocket for my wallet or cell phone? Would I really use the bag or did I just like the impulsive imagine of myself the colors seemed to cast in my mind?
I didn’t buy the bag, but I found myself smiling all the same, quietly amused by the baggage that spilled free. The frugal girl who worked through college and prefers a few, sentimental treasures to a chest of fabulous objects has never really outgrown wishes and window shopping.
distracted
April 30, 2011 § Leave a comment
This week blustered by in flurry of activity, leaving me perpetually distracted. Heart and mind pulling in different directions, my body attempted to keep pace with a frantic schedule. I begrudgingly woke early this morning, absorbing a quiet moment of stillness. Calendars and lists have charted my footsteps as I made my way through my days, but my joy guided me. In the quiet, body still, mind and heart centered, I draw upon the beautiful moments grateful for their grace.
