to my husband
February 26, 2015 § Leave a comment
There was never an expectation of extravagance. From the very beginning we have been mindful of the balance of responsibility and indulgence. We travel when we can, nestle our home in comforts that lend joy, and temper our splurges with small sacrifices. It is a life of saving up and spending thoughtfully. Investing in our relationship with measures of time and compromise in place of grandiose demonstrations of appreciation.
Last week we crafted anniversary plans that we could share during our children’s school day; borrowing a moment to ourselves to honor the day with a leisurely breakfast and a meaningful venture to a new storefront. Rather than travel from home or mark the day with gifts, we chose time together over a meal and an opportunity to celebrate your newfound culinary curiosity with a sprinkling of new spices.
Instead, today arrived and our daughter is still resting from the fever that has stolen so many moments this week. A school meeting and lecture, time with friends and school work. Unglamorous and far from the celebratory tone of the day, it is a significant and timely reminder that years are culminations of imperfect days. There was no remorse or bitterness in our canceled plans, rather an understanding that we would celebrate another time and make time today to enjoy the meaning of the day no less ours for the absence of festivity.
We create our own enthusiasm, the burden of ceremony and sentiment is ours to share. Today it is enough to begin in gratitude for the resilience of our promise over years of uncertain challenges, to stand together, still, in a place of intention and tenderness with respect and kindness for the life we share as a family and our individual aspirations.
Fifteen years ago we promised to find our way into the unknown together, never loosing sight of ourselves while creating a home that would honor togetherness. Each year I stand on the threshold of our anniversary and marvel at the path of our efforts and wonder at the days untold.
Here’s to the mystery of what will be and the certainty of what is. Happy Anniversary!
Love, Me
february
February 9, 2015 § Leave a comment
It is the shortest month, one so often swept under the exhaustive anticipation of romance. To my little family, it is the month my husband and I celebrate our anniversary with unexceptional attention and thoughtful recognition. Marriage, unlike the luster of romance, is a labor of love; the daily tending to of dreams we craft with another’s joy in mind greater than a confetti of acknowledgment that clutter a more genuine humility with colorful demonstrations of elaborate excess.
Children and pets, home and work pull at our attention with a necessity of care; a misconception of ease that undermines the value of holding hands and stealing smiles in the fervent busyness of the world’s demands. It is not the day to come that weighs us in recognition of togetherness, but all the days we chose one another in simpler acts of love; unglamorous demonstrations of friendship and passion, kindness and patience that weigh the brevity of February with the fortitude of every yesterday between us.
for better
August 5, 2011 § Leave a comment
My cousin toasted her parents’ wedding anniversary with words of gratitude for her mother and father’s choice to dedicate themselves to one another through everyday commitments of selflessness and effort. My aunt and uncle are celebrating their 49th anniversary. In honor of this happy occasion, I paused to reflect on my cousin’s words.
I have always held romantic notions of those couples peeking from the pages of the newspaper; strangers in black and white images frozen in time from the moment of “I do” then projected into the present, mirrored body language and content smiles bookends to decades of a shared journey. As I replace my fictional story lines for strangers with simple truths gathered from my own experiences and observations, my cousin’s words resonated. Selflessness and effort.
Another couple, celebrating an anniversary just shy of my aunt and uncle’s, strain to hide unhappiness behind smiles. They are bound by different choices; holding tightly to thoughts of hurt, blame, and entitlement. Looking for moments of selflessness and effort between this couple, I could not find a good deed without a bill of acknowledgment. This truth comes free of judgment, but with the eyes of a woman who wants to step cautiously, mindful of my own path.
My husband and I are novices. Still, I hope this reminder born of celebration accompanies us into our future and that years from now our own photos will reflect a choice well lived. Marriage is indeed a lifetime gesture of faith, an unending lesson in patience, and a journey shared. The gift of selflessness, nurturing one another with kindness and compassion, as well as the gift of effort, ever mindful that each day requires a renewed vow to meet both the predictable and unknown endeavoring to give one’s best. Congratulations to my aunt and uncle on their special day; and to their loved ones whose lives more beautiful for lessons shared.
unscripted
February 28, 2011 § Leave a comment
Planning a special moment I tend to orchestrate events based on a visualized physical manifestation of happiness; my desire to create something beautiful overshadowing the moment itself. This is a lesson I am learning to embrace after stumbling over disappointment only to uncover a simpler, less structured experience of happiness.
My lesson began with good intentions. My husband and I made reservations to celebrate our anniversary at the place we said I do. One of my favorite places, quaint and romantic, I was happy for the opportunity to return; creating new memories among cherished memories. This is where I should have paused. The space of our time together was enough.
Instead, I began making new plans and generating an expectation of indulgence. Specifically, I began to daydream about spa treatments. My husband never fought my plans, but his silence caught my ear. I didn’t hear his enthusiasm. I was making anniversary plans for one, rather than focusing on how I communicated love and respect. Scented candles and his favorite wine were simple edits to the script in my mind. I let go. Replacing exaggerated expectations with acts of kindness created opportunities for new moments of shared happiness.
I encountered an unexpected edit to another expectation upon our arrival. I assumed I would find my way to the same room my husband and I shared on our wedding night and first anniversary. Standing in an unfamiliar suite I pouted. My husband recognized my disappointment and offered to fix what wasn’t broken. The simple recognition of my feelings helped me let go of the familiar for something new. I unpacked our belongings along with my expectations. When I stopped looking for what I knew, I noticed the abundant beauty of my surroundings. A tiny shift in my perspective and I began to see more clearly.
Choices became occasions for opportunity rather than disappointment. I shifted my attention from planning the next moment to relaxing and embracing each moment as it unfolded. Our anniversary was filled with acts of kindness and conversation balanced with listening. We share a beautiful life and our ability to respect one another’s needs and let go of expectations was a gift I hope to apply in practice more often.
date night
February 11, 2011 § Leave a comment
Calendars cluttered with commitments, time with my husband hinges on two little words. Date nights are no longer exaggerated gestures of courtship, but pockets of time filled with gratitude. An indulgent meal or popcorn at a movie; an opportunity to address a concern or a moment of quiet distraction weightless in frivolity are really happy excuses in disguise.
Some plans are better for pleasant accidents. En route to a movie one evening, my husband and I detoured to a nearby store to explore their selection of area rugs. Our home seemed to echo with a cacophony of noise and lacked the warmth of patchwork interruptions underfoot. The task of making a decision together transformed a simple furnishing into a tiny remembrance of a moment shared. We returned home early from our date eager to unroll our purchase and settle the space. A beautiful night, completely unintended.
Anniversaries suggest an occasion for something extraordinary, but our 10th anniversary was exceptionally average. Dressed in casual attire we settled into a booth at a restaurant bar. We toasted over featured cocktails and indulged in favorite foods with little care for the world outside our table. Afterwards we drove with no destination in mind; tired, but happy to be alone with our shared thoughts.
Once in a while, everything goes according to plan. My husband had developed an interest in tea that created an opportunity for me to acknowledge something important to him. I scheduled an evening cup of tea and reflexology treatment for two. Sitting in the sanctuary I smiled at the sound a soothing waterfall punctuated by my husband’s happy snores.
Date nights are touchstones of togetherness, but more importantly they are opportunities to gather strength and celebrate the passage of time.
scribblechic 