scribblechic

My son is navigating the social space of Middle School with a fresh perspective on dealing with unkindness. Our experiences with bullies are littered with empty words of wisdom. Let me outline a few of the well-intentioned expressions parents, teachers, and other adults use to comfort a child victimized by bullies.

Just ignore them. This doesn’t always deter the committed bully. For some it raises the bar and encourages a more determined effort to gain a reaction.

Walk away. This only works if the bully chooses not to follow. See the aforementioned determined species.

Don’t let them bother you. You are better than that. This one attempts to use flattery to over-ride unkindness. Words hurt.

Tell an adult. This assumes that the adult will listen and then address the situation in a manner that does not place the bullied in direct proximity with the bully. Often times this is where the victim becomes the Tattletale and the bully becomes Misunderstood.

Push back. This one is a little out-dated. Now it isn’t politically correct to defend yourself.

My son, discouraged by adults talking around the problem, proposed a new theory. He came to me after school yesterday joyful over his solution. He said: Mom, everyone says stay away from a bully and it never works. I have a better idea. If you hug the bully they walk away and leave you alone. I tested it and it works!

Once a child myself, I am aware within this theory there lies an assumption that the other child will not punch the hugger. Still, I had to marvel that my son, despite hateful words and physical confrontations chose an act of kindness to treat acts of hate and applauded the unique suggestion. (Then I e-mailed school staff to make certain they were on the lookout for hug therapy sessions.)

What would you tell your child to do in a similar situation?