the hardest part
February 22, 2015 § 4 Comments
I think the longest minute is the one for which there is no control. Worries held captive by the frustration of helplessness. There is no peace for a mother whose child is in need, too far from the span of her reach to offer comfort.
When my husband called yesterday from a camping trip to caution a hurried return with our little girl, my mind danced between the details; an unkind imagination of worst fears. I measured the minutes and miles between us in what ifs without a face to gauge for clues. It is an impossible triage of care, calculating could be’s and hypothetical how to’s without a brow to sweep for temperatures or eyes to divulge discomfort.
Today will be a long day, one not unlike so many other unexceptional days lost under the weather. It is an expected experience as parents, we anticipate need and care as we tend to the wellbeing of children that will one day care for themselves and others in our absence. In last night’s fleeting fears I recognized something greater than the familiar worries of seasonal inconveniences, I was reminded of the inevitability that each exercise in helplessness seems an invaluable lesson in faith and hope that we can survive the impossibility of our hearts wandering outside the safety of our keep.
care
October 16, 2014 § 6 Comments
More often than in my youth I find myself moving in a routine way, only to acquire an unwelcome tightness; small, inconsequential aches that slow my pace temporarily and draw my attention to uncomfortable, inconvenient limits. Each time these aches occur I find myself overwhelmed by a clarity of gratitude for my general good health with promises to better care for the body that will accompany me into old age; looking further than the present discomfort.
Similarly, I sometimes find myself caught in an unexpected unhappiness in the comfort of a relationship. Moments where I speak or act with such blindness of familiarity that I create a tenderness of insensitivity. Suddenly joy is bound by harm that restricts care in a moment of need with a crisis of selfishness. I scrape together words more mindful of their weight anxious to invite clarity and gratitude, care and consciousness to the language of love that informs compassion and commitment. Again, I look into the present more mindful of days to come.
Both aches are unseen, born of thoughtless, unexceptional gestures. I turn my body too quickly or speak without thought, creating a sudden awareness for a blind spot in my assumptions and a tenderness for care. Today I am thinking of little acts of love and patience that inform kindness in mind, body, and spirit for self and others. Days past and days to come.
consistency & care
December 28, 2012 § Leave a comment
Gently packing away holiday decorations on a quiet, lazy day I recognized clusters of chaos in the corners of my life. Little things easily overlooked but collectively they share a theme of personal shortcomings. Too often I put off something simple for later, sweeping an unwanted task under the proverbial rug. This tendency toward avoidance is perhaps my greatest weakness.
Empty pledges to exercise tomorrow or to eat better next mealtime leaves my limbs tired and heavy, moving sluggishly and avoiding physical tasks. False promises to clean, leaves my home in disrepair and creates a sense of unrest between the rooms of our house. Lack of order fuels a sense of freedom from time and responsibilities that my children respond to with want over need and disregard for self and home.
Procrastinating my housekeeping tasks and poor self-care models an absence of respect for self and space that my children translate to unbrushed teeth, messy rooms, and unfinished tasks. Of course they brush, tidy, and complete with proper parental nagging, but the movements are empty of intent; the gestures too heavy with contradictions for genuine accountability.
These final days of winter break I am hoping to purge poor habits with more intentional acts of consistency and care, moving mindfully into the New Year; inspiring greater harmony and health at home.
scribblechic 