muddled memories
October 24, 2011 § 1 Comment
The passage of time creates pockets of memory loss in which embellishments flourish. First loves are lost loves, old friends become characters in stories more grand than the experience, and acquaintances infer connections. I am cautious of faded memories.
With the evolution of social media there exists a dangerous intersection of past and present. I myself am guilty of nostalgia misplaced; logic blurred with flattery and sentiment.
In moments of reflection, I have sent a memory or well-wish into the vast space of ungathered messages. Occasionally, the recipient would welcome the wish, sharing a memory of their own. More often an impersonal request for friendship would follow and I felt caught, uncomfortably in a new relationship with an old acquaintance; a friendship built on brief histories and void of futures.
I marvel at these broken connections; the known and unknown, fact and fiction creating mixed messages and miscommunication. Uncertain of the unspoken etiquette for friendships fostered so abstractly, I discretely excuse myself from a conversation cluttered with assumptions. Good-byes leave me wondering at the wisdom of merging moments in one lifetime with a casual hello.
boys and girls
August 24, 2011 § Leave a comment
It begins somewhere between the monkey bars and the swing set. The first strings of school yard rhymes caution there exists an imbalance of power. Girls rule, boys drool. Little boys pull our pig tails and tease us into tears while we feign disinterest and annoyance through batted eyelashes and half smiles. Is it any wonder we grow up questioning each other’s intentions?
Courtship is full of feigned interests and exaggerated displays of patience and affection. Long before we had children, my husband and I were the center of each other’s happiness. We were fascinated by the otherwise illogical intricacies of our thoughts. I would infer meaning, assuming my husband intended subtext. Alternately, my husband would hear my thoughts like newspaper headlines. The need to communicate respect and understanding, concern and appreciation were greater than the words between us.
Then we had children. My husband spends his days running a business, juggling decisions and creating goals. I spend my days as a homemaker, similarly juggling decisions and creating goals. Lately, our minds distracted with the business of our days, I find myself wondering what he means, questioning why he said that or thinking I don’t think he understands.
Today I am looking for a reference guide, my husband lives on Mars and I speak Jupiter.
scribblechic 