scribblechic

Fate has a sense of humor.  I have proof.  My youngest child lives outside the boundaries of my safe, people pleasing practices and has brought into my world a reckless fun that makes my days richer for the challenges.

At a swim lesson, my daughter’s classmates perched expectantly on the edge of the pool waiting in stillness for their chance to perform the assigned stroke.  Sandwiched between other parents, I looked to my daughter hoping for just a hint of conformity to the class structure.  No waves please.  My daughter eased into a gentle back float and I closed my eyes in silent thanks.  “You’re welcome” came in the form of flapping and sputtering, her peaceful form assaulted by her own perfect whale spout.  I caught myself smiling as a chorus of giggles rippled across the water.  My daughter lives fully in the moment embracing an opportunity to enjoy the space around her, while I sit on the sidelines hoping to go unnoticed, but vicariously enamored with the display.

Dining with family, a member of our party loudly criticized a small child’s messy manners at a nearby table.  I cringed, physically arranged my body to remove any trace of support for the admonishment and sent the mother an apologetic look.  Two years later, my youngest child embarked on a never-ending mission to challenge the same family member’s patience with poor manners.  I should have named her Karma.  Aware of the harsh judgment held against her by a loved one, she makes little apologies for imperfection.  She offers love without conformity.

In her first soccer class, my daughter fell into the practice drills with an ease and interest that suggested she may have found a comfortable space where conformity was not a challenge.  On her second day of class she took over the teacher’s role with the self-confidence and firm guidance of an adult authority figure; peers wobbled behind her like baby ducks.  The teacher was unamused, but I was in awe of my daughter’s comfort in her own skin.

There is no shadow to hide behind when so forcefully thrust into the limelight of my daughter’s world.  I am learning to wear shades.