scribblechic

When my son was 4 I took him to a Kindergarten screening.  I sat in a quiet classroom sprinkled with brightly colored toys, rugs, and materials with a handful of other parents waiting in a place of paused uncertainty.  It was another new experience in motherhood.  A task expected, but unanticipated for its foreignness.

My son toddled off enthusiastically with the teacher that collected him for his evaluation; unaware of expectations and happy for the company of a new friend.  I could hear the sound of his voice trailing down the hallway as he unfolded his thoughts preparing to settle into the day, familiarizing the new with the known.

Soon after, another woman appeared calling my name and directing me to a table; I perched hugely pregnant on a tiny, plastic elementary chair.  A folder with my son’s name materialized filled with forms and blank with questions.  I studied the questionnaire endeavoring to date my son’s developmental milestones while enumerating on questions of ability.  One question seemed misplaced.

Can your child make himself/herself a sandwich?

I didn’t know.  More importantly, in my mind, why would he?  Stripped of all pretense, I directed my confusion to the teacher/therapist.  Why wouldn’t I care for him?  That’s my job.  Years later, the sandwich became symbolic.

My daughter, on a nondescript day, without expectation or direction made herself a sandwich.  My mind raced backwards to the old question and suddenly I understood.

My daughter knew she was hungry.  She had observed the process of making a sandwich and could identify what steps she needed to take to complete the simple task.

It was a trick question.  The sandwich was never a gesture of love or nurturing.  It represented my son’s ability to process information and coordinate his actions.  I had been so quick to defend my love for my son, to shelter him from expectations, that it never occurred to me to set the table for success.

I am learning.  As my daughter races towards independence, I struggle to step back and provide room for each child to make mistakes, try new things, and care for themselves and others.  I am learning that sometimes we nurture with inacation and other times action is something unseen.