scribblechic

Yesterday I struggled to string a cohesive thought among ideas. My mind was caught on the emotional experience of moving; the immediacy of our environment and the distractibility I feel lately. The subtle disconnect from urgency as we nestle  into a gentler pace.

Then, as if life were trying desperately to capture my attention, I missed an appointment. A calendar date that wasn’t inked into my schedule, something that I wouldn’t have forgotten four months ago.

I could return to my previous efforts to communicate the nervous energy of our move, the cautious attention to detail that has unraveled into a distracted calm, but I want to preserve, instead, yesterday’s lesson in grace.

The forgotten appointment was with our children’s new therapist. A service in our old community that functioned with an impersonal protocol of strict attention to 24 hour cancellation policies and impersonal accountability for human error despite the predictability of lengthy waiting room delays. Understandable, but inflexible.

When an unfamiliar local phone number announced my error with a concerned phone message from our new therapist,  embarrassment hid behind an experience of defensiveness. I felt immediately disoriented by my forgetfulness and ashamed of my shortcomings of such a manageable responsibility.

I reacted with an expectation of blame, judgement, and clinical billing.

A quick phone call to our therapist’s voicemail was cluttered by frantic apologies and nervous embarrassment compounded by anxiety over mom guilt for our absence. When a second call reached the direct attention of our therapist, I was gifted a unique moment of forgiveness.

Our therapist offered me grace for my mistake at the cost of her time. She dismissed me the financial responsibility of her fee and cited the reality of human error while rescheduling our appointment. No matter the emotional distractions or logical practicalities that might have explained my mistake, there was no call for excuses or windy apologies. I was allowed error and forgiveness in equal measure.

Today I am thinking of the lesson in my mistake, the generosity of another’s kindness, and the forgiveness that accompanies such an expectation of error. Challenging myself to offer another the same measure of grace without explanation or apology, embarrassment or shame.