big picture
August 3, 2011 § 4 Comments
Family photographs, an image marking one moment on a seamless timeline in a family’s story. When our children were little my husband and I pledged to document each year with a photograph. I procrastinated using countless recycled reasons; each a variation of when I lose weight or there just isn’t time right now. Last year a friend spent an evening reassuring me with words of encouragement, distracting my silent concerns, from behind her camera. Waiting for the images I fussed frantically to my husband what if I look horrible. I hate my photographs of myself. It hadn’t occurred to me the pictures weren’t of me, they were of my children’s mother. In their company I became the best version of myself; my smile genuine and my flaws secondary.
Tomorrow, we are scheduled to repeat history with our second session. I should be peaceful, last year’s experience lending confidence. Instead, I have begun to panic. I spilled my concerns like a much-needed guilty confession to a friend. I lamented my daughter’s intended outfit. I had pictured her twirling in a white dress on a beach; the dress stored safely for months in anticipation. Ironically, there is no beach and her once rounded form has lengthened turning her sundress into a charming tent. Still, I know she will look beautiful regardless. The boys coordinated easily; khaki shorts and t-shirts. Organizing our outfits is really a flimsy cover for my own insecurities. Expectations of perfection and fears of imperfections distracting me from the bigger picture.
One of my favorite photographs was imperfect. Pregnant with our second child, I was determined to embrace what I predicted would be my last pregnancy and indulged in a few beautiful pieces of maternity clothing. My favorite was a pair of black terry cloth capris accented with a black and white strapless top. I remember feeling beautiful and carefree. Later, I realized I more closely resembled the Hamburglar reminiscent of old advertisements from my childhood. The image captured the weight I had unconsciously gained between pregnancies, my self-perception just out of focus in the lens. Still, there is no editing life and the memory makes me smile. It was a happy day; one unflattering outfit could not hide my joy.
On the eve of our family photographs I am trying to let go of expectations, embrace imperfections as part of our story, and focus on the big picture.
scribblechic 
If you could add photos to your posts, it might just be wonderful.
I am not well versed as a photographer, perhaps one day. Until then I am limited to that which can be shared with words as I am hesitant to borrow another’s perspective to balance my own.
You don’t have to be well-versed with photography. You can just add normal photos. Anyways, words say a lot too.
I try never to say never. So, maybe, one day I’ll introduce an image to accompany my thoughts. Thank you for such kind encouragement.