scribblechic

Recently I wrote about my son’s experience with a peer. In said instance my son was treated poorly by the peer at school, we addressed the incident with the school directly, and the school was both supportive and efficient in their efforts to control the situation.  I was impressed, but quietly ill at ease.  A part of me could not let go, feelings of discontent lingered. I questioned how the other child’s behavior was addressed and challenged his telling of the events with sarcastic disbelief in unspoken sentiments.  To my son, I spoke only words of reassurance.  I weighed my thoughts falsely projecting fairness, keeping my own negative emotions tucked away.  The contradictory undercurrent left me feeling unkind and judgmental.

I forced myself to commit to repeating a mantra of positive posturing until the negative chorus was a quiet murmur. Over and over I said to myself: the other child made a mistake, mistakes are part of childhood, my son will endure this and learn from this moment. Be strong, but be forgiving.  I was almost serene when my son came home and created a new ripple on calm waters.

My son made his own mistake. He did not harm another child, but he took something from a classroom.  As the teacher’s telling unfolded, I felt my son’s mistake and stepped aside to make room for him to exercise accountability while I absorbed a moment of humility.  My son moved beyond words and embraced accountability with action, owning his error and demonstrating remorse.  A new thread of concern wrapped itself around my thoughts.  Would others struggle to move past his error as I had struggled to let go of another child’s error?

I quickly realized these are moments in my son’s experiences outside of my control.  Opportunities for him to grow, find his way, build character, and create new choices.  As I was learning lessons in humility, accepting my son as imperfect and fallible; he was learning accountability in a safe and nurturing setting to be recalled at later moments in his life. I can no more undo his error than I can forge others’ opinions.  The shoe on the other foot, we walked forward aware of the choices behind us and mindfully stepping into the future.

Tagged: Accountability, Children, Choices, Humility, Parenting