self talk, pep talk
November 17, 2011 § 2 Comments
Sometimes my most coherent thought comes moments after I press Publish. In this case, I cast the thoughts below into the vast space of uncertain readership under the guise of likeability and respectability. In truth the following is a pep talk, to myself, on the eve of a meeting with teachers and support staff addressing my son’s educational needs. It is important to note that previously I attended these meetings looking for direction, smiling and nodding, accepting and trusting. I am currently acting from a place of new consciousness as to what my son needs and can no longer accept without question the guidance of others, but must lead.
I am a people pleaser. I like to be liked. Recently, I have had to set aside the nagging question of what others think and step into a place of uncomfortable accountability. I have had to use my otherwise quiet voice to insist on aggressive actions concerning my son’s education and this dissension from the more comfortable corners of agreeability have taught me a lesson. It is better to be respected than liked. Genial smiles and nods of acknowledgment are nice, but self-respect lingers in moments of solitude.
This is not to say that I have been unkind or inconsiderate, stomping on others’ feelings my sights set single-mindedly on my own needs. I have merely stood firm in my resolution to speak up and ask for fair and reasonable support rather than trust blindly while following along unassumingly. Therein lies the greater truth: I believe you can be liked and respected if you are reasonable and kind.
Here is what sat between the lines of my initial sharing: I want the people who work with my son to like me, to be comfortable working with our family. I also want to respect myself when I leave the meeting tomorrow; to know that I have done what is in my son’s best interest. As I count the hours until the meeting I keep turning over in my mind what I must say and how best to ask so that I am reasonable and kind. Likeable and worthy of respect.
Follow-up: After a restless night’s sleep I gathered my courage along with my notes and respectfully requested a long list of specific tests to best determine my son’s academic needs. I was one voice in a room of eight, solely responsible for speaking on my son’s behalf. My voice and hands shook with anxiety, but I am proud. Now begins another chapter as we collect new information.
scribblechic 
I have never felt so alone as when I was fighting to get my son the help he needs in school. I told my husband it was like being the only person looking for a hose while everyone watches the house burn down. Your son is lucky to have an assertive, activist mom.
An insightful analogy; an unending endeavor to minimize damage, save our children’s spirits, and create hope in tireless acts of love. Never alone. Thank you for your thoughts.