love lesson
December 19, 2011 § 2 Comments
My husband and I had a disagreement; an unpleasant exchange that spilled sloppily from our mouths to our children’s ears. Wide-eyed my daughter gauged the exchange, holding her questions and concerns beneath thin layers of surprise and uncertainty.
I gathered my little girl near and said what I needed to hear at an early age: adults can disagree without loving one another less. I reminded her that it is important to try your best to be respectful even when you are angry and to accept responsibility when you hurt another person’s feelings. I watched her measure my words considering their meaning.
My husband and I bring to our marriage unique individual heartaches. We unpack grief or anger in moments of exhaustion or anxiety. Rather than stuff our dirty laundry into the corners of our mind, I try to unfold it; smoothing out wrinkles and carefully claiming each piece of ourselves. It is uncomfortable and challenging, but owning our worst helps us nurture our best.
Tonight my husband echoed my message to our daughter with his own. He apologized for speaking unkindly. The moment had passed, but he stretched his accountability into the present creating an occasion to share a lesson. He reaffirmed my worth by apologizing and his own strength by modeling humility.
I hope my children fall in love and know kindness and compassion, but I also wish them partners that challenge them to grow and a safe place to make mistakes.
scribblechic 
I admire the way you both handled it, in the moment and once it passed. Fortunate children, indeed, to have such humility and strength modeled for them.
Thank you. I hope she remembers the moment, mindful of her value and real life exercises in love.