A’s of education
February 28, 2012 § 2 Comments
The early weeks of this school year my son flourished in his new middle school setting. Elementary school struggles with anxiety stemming from poor peer relations typical of a child with social challenges born of special needs seemingly faded into a new beginning and I celebrated my son’s eagerness to attend school, explore new social activities, and make friends. Then unkind words and actions robbed my son of the easy smile and effervescent personality that are his hallmarks; he withdrew in sadness and frustration from peers and academics.
Those first months it felt as though we were all treading water; my son, the school, and our family making little progress despite our frenzied efforts to create a successful school experience. My husband and I spoke directly with teachers and support staff trying to identify social and academic challenges. I reached out to specialists in an effort to approach each day proactively. Still, my son was drowning.
Phone calls and letters became school meetings. Social challenges breed anxiety which exacerbated executive functioning areas like transitioning, organization, and emotional control. At our son’s Individualized Education Plan meeting we faced uncertainty with a new strategy for success. Having consulted with an advocate that specialized in assisting families of children with special needs we began to structure a plan of action to help my son. I requested tests that were new to my vocabulary; quickly learning what I did not know and becoming more confident asking for help. My requests created a lengthy period of detailed testing, the results of which began to inform my son’s teachers and therapists of hidden strengths as well as burdensome challenges.
Looking ahead, there are no easy answers or quick solutions. We begin with the A’s of education:
Assess. When in doubt never assume, always assess. Presumptions resulted in mismeasured assistance. Greater information and increased interaction with my son produced answers that were a product of experience. Old supports and new supports were adjusted in accordance with my son’s current needs. Coping strategies such as sensory based occupational therapies and the introduction of an aide created immediate success; calmer my son ceased unproductive behaviors based in anxiety.
Assign. Teachers and support staff each have unique roles. Once there is a plan each member of the team works in conjunction with the other members creating a machine in which success is based on collaborative efforts between school and home. I share an open line of communication between all members of my son’s team in which I understand the role of each individual and how I may facilitate assistance at home creating a cohesive strategy for success.
Assist. As soon as my son began failing, we reached out for assistance. An aide joined our team and became my son’s shadow. This individual provides him safe haven from unkindnesses as well as the structured academic supports he needs. The greater lesson for all of us is knowing when to seek help for struggles outside our expertise.
Accountability. When a child fails, parents and teachers are accountable. Within our team we all shoulder a responsibility to foster a safe and successful school experience. My son turned to all of the adults at home and school when he felt overwhelmed by social and academic challenges. Similarly, when my son struggled with various executive functioning skills I identified each area of concern as an opportunity for us to increase my son’s capabilities. Accountability means addressing concerns openly with intent to create improvement through a combination of greater consciousness and a plan of action.
Awareness. Rather than dismiss instances of bullying with apologies of ignorance or to expect my son to limit himself to a generic definition and expectations of “normalcy” we have begun to educate peers about special needs making children accountable for their words and actions. No longer is it acceptable to name call or bully a child for their differences. We need to educate children in a way that fosters compassion for diverse needs and celebrates individuality.
I don’t have all the answers. Each day we utilize a structure of support based in assessing challenges, assigning assistance, fostering accountability, and raising awareness to gift my son opportunities for independence and interpersonal success. We adapt.
scribblechic 
It sounds like you’ve had a very positive experience with your school. You’re so fortunate to have that kind of support. We didn’t with our son and it was a constant battle.
It is a work in progress. Some days are extremely rewarding and other days I struggle with misconceptions. I tend to expect teachers to have greater knowledge of special needs and the learning curve places a burden on me to educate teachers of my son’s needs. On the other hand I find so many of the teachers we are fortunate enough to work with genuinely want to understand and help. It isn’t easy, but I am mindful that it could be much more challenging. I’m sorry you didn’t receive greater support. I loved your description a while back of feeling like the only person looking for a hose while everyone else watches the house burn down. I have had those moments as well and it is much more rewarding when you have company putting out the fire.