doubtfully dutiful
April 24, 2012 § 2 Comments
I can remember my earliest moments of awkward endeavors as a homemaker. I didn’t know how to cook, didn’t understand what needed to be cleaned, and I faced creating a home with all the grace of a small child finger painting with their mother’s make-up. Years later I try harder, my husband accepts my best while overlooking occasional oversights, and somehow I manage to address the daily duties of my life as a stay at home mother with heart and humor.
This morning peering eagerly into our refrigerator in search of breakfast trappings my husband marveled at the empty shelves. His confusion inspired my own curiosity over the enigma that is grocery shopping. I began visualizing the aisles at our local grocery store, mentally shopping the shelves, trying to envision what I forgot. I shop the perimeter of produce and meats, most of my food is nestled in drawers. So what does go on the shelves? When I shared my wonderment with my husband, he laughed in amused agreement. Not so much at my way of decoding the mystery, but because I was earnestly trying to find the solution.
This problem solving phenomenon is ongoing. I am perpetually stumbling over tasks I didn’t expect and expectations that I was previously oblivious to. Cleaning beneath things that don’t move and above things I can’t see still make me giggle. Some days my job feels accidentally familiar and I secretly applaud my ability. Other days I can feel myself wobbling in my big girl shoes as I try to create a home for my family. Either way my days are equal parts made-up nonsense and elbow grease. I’m playing house, improvising daily with an endearing cast of characters.
scribblechic 
LOL! My first years of marriage, I didn’t cook for my husband. I never told him I couldn’t cook. I simply didn’t do it, so he assumed I couldn’t. He was quite upset when he found I could make quite the elaborite meal. It was comical, and to this day he reminds me of this. I still struggle at time wearing all the different hats that a homemaker is required to wear. It’s nice that our “job” has so many elements to it.
Once I let go of doing everything perfectly it was easier to enjoy my tasks. My favorite compliment occurred when a guest exclaimed “oh thank goodness, someone else whose house isn’t perfect.” For so long I faulted myself on what I didn’t do well rather than celebrating how I chose to invest my time. Playing with my children or enjoying a good book brings me more joy than the perception of perfection.