scribblechic

When my heart is heavy I try to write my blessings in my mind’s eye with large loopy letters that leave less room for unhappiness. Lately the weight of my frustrations and the lightness of my joy have teased my balance as I navigate difficult moments in search of greater peace.

Our son’s anger and sadness create tension and frustration casting shadows between pockets of joy. My husband and I grasp at threads of patience willing our son to see problematic behaviors with the same openness we endeavor to appreciate and honor his strengths. He is twelve; old enough to feel wise and young enough to ache openly. The contradiction of his emotions combined with social challenges and sometimes misplaced comprehension create daily struggles that leave us each exhausted.

As our son’s peers mature, tucking small social lessons within greater moments and growing into independence, our son seems stranded, unable to collect and compile the lessons into different actions. My husband and I watch uncertain if we should give our son greater room to fail, hoping the intimacy of difficult lessons may create a greater impression or if we search out a new teaching style to inform our son before he wanders into harm’s way. The questions overwhelm the answers, uncertainty replacing knowing.

This past weekend our borrowed minutes of togetherness brought both joy and frustration. Away from home certain behaviors seemed increasingly challenging. Just as I would give thanks for the sight of my family playing together noisy, angry moments would chase away smiles and peace. Slowly, painstakingly we moved beyond conflict into a new distraction until without warning we would find ourselves caught in another moment of unhappiness.

I write this acknowledging we carry these truths as a family; we cannot dispense blame or divide emotions. It is a messy, uncomfortable piece of our story. I mark this moment in hopes I will one day look back from a place of greater peace with my children and husband. I want the moments of struggle to allow us a greater value for our moments of joy; a truer measure of our journey.

Tagged: Family, Musings