scribblechic

Little burdens, happiness weighted with kernels of frustration chaffing against calm contentment. A difficult relationship follows me with the frustrating humor of a cartoon rain cloud. The more I endeavor to make peace with discontent, mentally accept what I cannot control, my sub-conscious nudges my good intentions like tiny pebbles against the tender arches of my sole as I tread cautiously across the landscape of measured conversations. Noting my weakness with disapproval I pause, attempting to shake hurt and anger from my company, gathering my wits only to find an overlooked pebble with a new stab of frustration.

Quiet words of strength cycle through my mind. Deep breath. Imagine a sense of calm sheltering my vulnerabilities and lending comfort. Focus on sources of joy. Be present and set aside past unkindnesses for the possibility of peace. I repeat these thoughts like promises trying valiantly to chase away negative thoughts. It is an exhausting effort that feels forced and false.

I wonder at how small and trapped I feel by an ill-fitting relationship. Tied with bonds of obligation I cannot escape the uncomfortable truth and I have not yet found the answer to embracing negativity without sacrificing joy.

Tagged: Musings