the golden rule
October 5, 2012 § 2 Comments
We teach our children to treat others the way they would want to be treated, but sometimes even adults need reminding. We hurt friends by building walls and hiding truths; talking around what needs to be said or speaking without reflecting on our intent. Each time I am faced with my own error, I hesitate between understanding myself and tucking the misdeed behind shame and guilt. Here is the unexpected gift of failing to be authentic in my words and deeds, I am forced to grow into my mistake completely until the lesson becomes a piece of my story. Some lessons are more difficult than others.
Yesterday another mother shared a difficult experience. I will honor her openness by not naming her wound. Even without the details I can say she was torn between her role as a mother and friend. She wore her heartache visibly as she vacillated between modeling strength and being honest about her fears. Her emotions rolled over me in waves and I wanted to give her an answer that would lend strength and clarity. I chose honesty instructing only: This will be hard and you must be both honest and fair. Allow the other party their emotions in the same way you need to express your own. Say what you fear you cannot say or the words at the core of your hurt will fester into a greater wound.
I was speaking to a woman, but imagining how I would advise my daughter. I also imagined the kind of role model I want to be for both my children in moments of adversity. The advice I gave another felt more challenging than I felt capable and that truth startled me begging new questions: How strong am I? What would I not confront?
This weighted reflection began out of another’s story, but I find myself caught in a moment of consciousness I cannot dismiss.
scribblechic 
I didn’t think friendship would be so hard as an adult, but I’ve found it is. going through some intense emotional times with a woman who is very important to me. Thanks for this lovely post.
My most valuable relationships are the ones in which I have been able to say what I thought I could not and in which I have been able to hear what I may not have wanted to. Good luck with your friend. It isn’t always easy, but it is almost always worth it.