scribblechic

Yesterday morning I found a voice of humor and gratitude missing from my social network feed. The absence of this personality created a hollow echo that rattled around bumping up against empty statements. What was once an opportunity to connect with friends and family conveniently in the busyness of everyday life had become a measuring stick defining moments of self.

From the  beginning I was cautious to contain my friends to family, a handful of friends from my childhood and college, along with mothers whose serendipitous presence in my life grounds me in a community of nurturers; those who share memories and know the sound of my laugh. I loved catching glimpses of my cousin’s daughters or the discovery of a dear friend with whom I had lost touch, casting quick hellos across the miles.

There were other statements I could not unread, strategically coded declarations by friends at odds, extravagant oversharings, and unnecessary updates. I too had created a sense of self with irrelevant facts: what we eat, where we are, what we do and between the lines – who we are, wish we were, or used to be.

This was my weakness, discerning statements of self from word play. Contrasting my days against other’s images and accomplishments there was an element of insecurity for the absence of Rockwellian images in photographs and prose to narrate my story and a presumed pressure to respond to others’ statements leaving my words forced and false for the pretense.

In this light I have taken a step back. Stripped of my likes and status all that remains are a freckling of images and an abbreviated collection of family and friends with whom I am unprepared to say goodbye. Years of fragmented sharings have been set aside like pages in an unopened album. Instead, I am embracing this season of Thanksgiving to acknowledge those whose presence in my life are a blessing and transitioning from online exchanges to a more intimate practice of handwritten holiday greetings.

I am gathering addresses and weighing my words, attempting to let go of one experience for another. For now my account sits bare uncertain of the next step as I balance limiting my account to family or keeping the door open for a change of heart.

Tagged: Friendship, Musings, Self, Social Media