scribblechic

Yesterday I listened to a speaker address timeless and contemporary concerns in parenting teenagers; universal messages of acceptance and patience were tucked among entertaining anecdotes. Sitting beside me a close friend punctuated the afternoon lecture with small bursts of laughter. Side by side I was mindful that my friend is a witness to my journey, the muddled moments and the small victories. The reassurance of a stranger sharing clinical and personal wisdom alongside the company of a close friend sharing experiences and friendship in mothering I felt the same unspoken sense of community that causes me to smile at a new mother, swaying gently with the memory of my own children as infants. In parenting we are a village without boundaries, learning as we grow.

Returning home I reevaluated my tendency to over-diagnose my son’s sometimes erratic behavior as symptomatic of his unique medical diagnoses, reassured that so many of his recent struggles are overwhelmingly typical. So then when my son walked though the front door in a gust of tears and frustrations I felt prepared to embrace the day’s gentle reminders to parent from a place of compassion. Rather than react, I let my son unravel his mood without judgment or lectures. I didn’t coddle or criticize, I treated the child whose shoulders fall closer to my own height these days in much the same way I treated his younger sister recently when she was struggling to share something difficult – I diffused both of our defenses by taking a step back and listening.

Something that previously would have upset me became an opportunity rather than a failure. My son shared his error and without my projecting responsibility he accepted responsibility freely. In turn, I accepted my disappointment alongside pride. Most importantly, I shared a moment of growth with my son I may have hindered with assumptions and expectations. It was an imperfect moment, but I am learning; finding my way with humor, humility, and compassion for the young man finding his way.

Tagged: Musings, Parenting, Son