wheels & wings
April 6, 2013 § 7 Comments
My husband and I used to talk in muted tones of wishes we dared not draw in permanent sketches, simple childhood exercises in play that seemed just outside our son’s ability. We watched other children peddle to our neighborhood park while our son’s bike sat like a mysterious relic misplaced and unused in the corner of our garage.
This week sunshine interrupted gray skies, stretching the days further into the evening. The school bell signaled play, the park and sidewalks clustered with children meeting beneath the sunshine into unhurried, animated conversations. I watched all of this unfold, no longer lonely for our son’s image among his peers. I had accepted his unique interests alongside the social challenges that accompany these moments, settling into the casual company of individual friends.
Yesterday our son asked to bike to our neighborhood park to play with his friends and I found myself re-sketching expectations, cautious and hopeful, but also uncertain. No longer elementary age, our experiences with neighborhood children carry a burden of complicated history. Friends have acted unfriendly, sometimes unintentionally and other times maliciously, our son included. They have erred collectively and the uncertainty of their kindness makes me question the certainty of their company.
We have given our son wheels, but not wings. The ability to play without the freedom of letting go. So long have I hovered over our son, navigating the unspoken language of play that I am intimidated at the suggestion of letting go and inviting harm. Aware that the months and years have led us to a moment when I should stand more confidently among experiences, I am instead uncertain. I can feel the harm behind my doubts as I hold our son within arms reach.
Today I am trying to gather the lessons we have outlined, remembering that the times we have accompanied our son in difficult moments were in preparation for footsteps that would fall further from our side. Trying to gather old hopes into new opportunities to be among friends as a friend, exceptionally normal moments on wheels and wings.
scribblechic 
As a parent… this is one of the tougher decisions. Life lessons or life scars. Very heartfelt and truly well written… as a photographer your writings evoke many visuals for me, from both a cameras view and more importantly…. a parent.
Thank you, Mike. To lend a photographer visuals, I can think of no higher compliment as a writer. To share a moment as parents, is a blessing.
That is the lot of the parent- to give independence, but fear the freedom.
To know when to give trust, but to dread the loss of control.
I guess every parent can relate.
To guard against harm, knowing the impossibility of such a wish. Joy and fear, tethered together by heartstrings.
Thank you.
Inch by inch. Sometimes 2 forward and one back but that’s the way it is. As parents, though, we creep onward.
Indeed. A dance of compromise and control.
And bit by bit they learn how to work with this wondrous big old world we all live in :>)