defining friendships
February 19, 2016 § 5 Comments
The past six months I have been recklessly uninhibited among our neighbors, quick with a wave or casual conversation, but reserved in nurturing new friendships among my children’s schools.
It was tempting, initially, to volunteer time to school commitments that might nurture invitations to friendship. A little voice with panicked urgency whispered at the importance of such belonging.
Except, without the routine of martyred obligation I realized that years of external demands on my time had exhausted the spirit of generosity behind the busyness. Sadly, it had also revealed that beneath so many polite conversations there were few substantial relationships.
Over the years I had become tired and disconnected from the disingenuousness of school yard politics. I had stood too close to so many casual unkindnesses not to be disheartened by the gossip of grown women.
That is not to say I do not occasionally long for the borrowed belonging. Rather, I have come to a place in my life where genuineness means infinitely more to me than the superficial whimsy of popularity; gone is the grade school eagerness to belong among the security of a chosen few and their coded ramblings or noisy gestures of inclusion.
Less is, infinitely, more.
There is a weightlessness when we forgo pretending for the substance of integrity. Give me those women who live passionately attuned to modesty and are indulgent in an intuitive intelligence. I love my high school girlfriend for the intentionality of her words and comfort of her silence; my college neighbor for the authenticity of her actions and sincerity of her beliefs; my friends in motherhood whose greatest extravagance are a generous heart and steadfast presence of character.
These women, however scattered physically, are my whole and they create a standard of respect and vulnerability that spoil me for the simpler experiences of superficial belonging.
scribblechic 
Beautifully said. I too have become disheartened at shallow and mean-spirited encounters. I want to talk about real things that matter to me – like how to lift people up, stopping gun violence, how to connect within community and spirituality, helping those in serious need, and continuously growing into that disciple God wants and needs me to be. I no longer have patience with giving people unlimited benefit of the doubt for their immaturity and materialism. I am surrounding myself with women (and a few men) of substance these days – and I am so much happier for it!
Those are the most precious conversations, the ones that run against the clock with complete disregard for time and reverberate with a recognition of individual truths that sustain so many unique differences. Exactly! Thank you, Holly.
And its called standing in your truth Marie.
As you say in your post, being with anyone who comes from such a false place no longer draws you. You have chosen to be you…all the time instead of ‘fitting in’.
Within that space you will now draw to you your next adventure 😀 , but regardless of that journey, it will show you more of what your heart desires, that love and truth.
Thank you for sharing your journey 🙂
Fitting in is an impossible compromise when it demands we mirror someone else’s certainty in place of our own sincerity.
Beautifully said, and so eloquently put Marie 🙂