planning & presence
May 19, 2016 § 4 Comments
We are an unusual family in our casual attentiveness to planning ahead. There is little talk in our home of college and career, even less of accomplishment. My son’s sophomore year of high school is almost over, but he’s no closer to knowing what comes next and there’s grace in the absence of certainty.
We aren’t practicing for big tests or stressing over academics. Our son is only newly exploring who he is outside the suffocating influence of family we no longer see.
For years our son lived under the toxic barrage of great expectations projected by my In-Laws. Suffocating under the ideals he might change the world with exhausting messages of genius. It’s an unfair label for any child to carry and leaves little room for either dreams or error.
He was their Autistic grandson with Asperger’s who was “better than” everyone else. Only, he’s always only ever been a boy with Autism who is sometimes heartbreakingly average in the wake of distorted misconceptions. I wish that they had met the little boy drowning beneath their disillusions.
This past year, moving further from the influence of such unhappy demands, our son has blossomed without so many questions of college and career. Gone are holidays and birthday’s tainted by endless critiques of accomplishment. Without the yardstick of failure looming largely over his hopes, he’s dreaming his own future in a language that speaks more to character than qualifications.
Right now he’s figuring out high school, worried more about making friends than making the grade. Choosing classes instead of career paths. Someday will come soon enough, but today is already here.
scribblechic 
I love your attitude! If only more parents of autistic kids approached the future with such clear thinking. I taught special needs children for 18 years, and over that period of time, encountered a variety of parents. Some wanted me to fix their child, while others couldn’t be bothered to care.
Most of my more successful students knew about college, but chose classes that interested them as opposed to leading toward entrance requirements at specific colleges. Perhaps that’s where you are heading as well.
In California we have two-year community colleges that allow students a slower pace. I hope you have something similar where you live. Your son could take music classes or computer classes or PE or art or whatever holds his interest until he finds a path that leads to a career.
Good luck!
I’m so thankful for teachers, like you, who create safe havens for our children to thrive. I don’t know where we would be without those rare souls (teachers, administrators, support staff) who guided us along our path.
Following his heart will attract exactly what he needs Marie. And that happiness he finds will please his mom too 🙂
I couldn’t agree more, Mark.