fenced in
June 2, 2016 § 2 Comments
My husband and I have been a bit off, short on patience and disconnected. We jump from irritation to assumption, quickly without looking for the best.
Mostly, we were just tired and distracted. Busy and empty.
Then, we took on a project. As the homes adjacent to our property sold, we recognized a timely need for a fence. Months of our pup commandeering neighboring yards had us worried about alienating strangers with unfortunate bathroom breaks.
So, with lots of space between us, we built a fence around us. Together.
It began with help. Someone stronger than me to balance my husband’s muscle as they set about hefting an auger through feet of clay; establishing space for concrete footings. The days that followed were long days under an unforgiving sky. Tedious work timed to weather forecasts and threats of impending rain.
That first day I began anticipating my husband’s steps and working ahead of his requests. It’s something we don’t often do.
As parents of older children and adults with divided responsibilities, we’ve moved past the early days of courtship. We rally in moments of celebration and appreciation, frustration or harm, but the uneventful days can be overshadowed by a self-centered rote performance of needs with fleeting respites to indulge wants.
We move through meals and household tasks, errands and a myriad of responsibilities without much thought for offers to help or opportunities to ask. Beneath a burdensome sun and under a time restraint, with an end in sight and physical pieces that needed assembly there was an easy assumption of shared effort and an immediate demand for partnership.
My husband and I took the opportunity to voice messages of appreciation as we exercised grater patience in partnership. At day’s end we’re more understanding of each other’s sore muscles and tender emotions, our own strength and the generosity of one another’s help.
Insofar as this is a journal of our days, it must also be said that our children have matured into their own place of partnership in these memories. Our son shouldering greater responsibility to physically demanding tasks and our daughter growing into more independent efforts to assist with practical necessities. Each offering help without hesitation or expectation of acknowledgment.
scribblechic 
You speak of an important topic: giving thanks and appreciation.In the routines of day-to-day life, it is far too easy to say nothing, to just do without expectation of voiced gratitude. You remind us of how important it is to say the words out loud.
Thank you, but if I am totally honest, I need the reminder, too. I’m the first to feel entitled to appreciation over the work of actively mindful gratitude; remembering to speak “thank you” for the ways my husband and children choose to act even when they may not want to/didn’t have to with the same timeliness I offer direction/criticism.