to my daughter
October 11, 2016 § 5 Comments
This morning, as you finished your last bite of breakfast and I began a second cup of coffee, you told me about an uncomfortable experience at school. A teacher you were secretly certain doesn’t like you.
There were lots of specific details that you tallied as evidence. For a moment I considered asking you to act out the worrisome behavior, but I trust your intuitiveness; you’re pretty good at reading people.
Playing devil’s advocate would only make you second guess yourself and I had a bigger question in mind.
Does it matter?
Beyond respect, can we really expect anyone to like everyone?
No matter how much I love you, it’s possible your teacher doesn’t like you. (Of course, it’s just as possible she does.)
Instead, I asked about your work, if the pace of the teacher’s lectures or expectations had left gaps in your understanding. If liking one another, the relationship you share or don’t, gets in the way of learning. If it is possible to be respectful and fair without posturing an insincere standard of “like.”
It’s a conversation that has kept me thinking all day about my own expectations, of self and others.
On the surface it’s painfully simple to dismiss someone else’s emotions for our own, but it is even more worrisome to twist ourselves into another’s acceptance and loose the shape of our selves. I hope you like yourself.
Love, Mom
scribblechic 
A big journey Marie…but in the end, an acceptance of a very beautiful one within 🙂
Beautifully tackled. 😃
Thanks!
It is so hard–for girls especially, I think–to not be liked. We are raised by society, if not our parents, to be pleasing to the eye and sweet as pie. Still. Sigh. I’m glad she has you to remind her being true to herself is more important.
Thanks, Kay. I still struggle to let go of being liked, usually at the cost of my own emotions. I’m getting better, but this moment was a great reminder.