moments & mementoes
July 15, 2015 § Leave a comment
Recently my errands have provided a retail outlet, a brief reprieve from packing for the pleasure of brightly stacked, neatly organized objects that promise a sense of order and beauty with a small, indulgent purchase. I’m tempted by something tangible, until I remember the boxes and bags of beautiful nothings that have so recently found new homes as we minimize our belongings to ease the work of moving.
There were inexpensive toys, embarrassing bribes and impulsive indulgences; pretty accessories forgotten in the simplicity of our preferences; luxury items stored carefully for a day that never came. These items were once neatly packaged promises of surprised delight, messages of care and celebratory keepsakes; few still carry the enthusiasm or sentiment that informed their arrival in our home.
Yesterday I caught myself seeking out an object that might mark this moment of change and hope, a vessel to contain my excitement and hold a place of permanence. I greeted each object of possibility with a curious uncertainty, testing the colors and space in my mind’s eye as I tried to imagine a familiarity that felt too forced.
Today I’m thinking instead of beloved family pictures and framed letters in my children’s handwriting that will mark a place of new memories with old rememberings. I am pledging to postpone purchases, necessary and frivolous, until I unpack; to begin with what we have and supplement only after I am certain of our space.
I am hoping we, as a family, will spend less time seeking ways to fill our new home and more time shaping our time together with less. To live more mindful of the distinction between collecting moments and storing mementoes.
routine distractions
July 15, 2015 § 2 Comments
There has been little time, of late, for online distractions beyond virtual visits to our home and sporadic e-mails to friends. I’ve signed off social media and I’m trying to decide if, much like the physical clutter of my home, this outlet has become a lost space in my days.
Photographs and news links, quips and opinions rattle around like misplaced game pieces and unsharpened pencils in a drawer too burdened by disorder to lend purpose.
I love the far-reaching accessibility of old friendships and the convenience of quick updates, but I wonder if I’ve traded the ease of a 24 hour social news source for the more intimate and intentional act of working at a more genuine connectivity.
Without my morning updates, I’ve uncovered minutes buried beneath old routines and a calmer attentiveness to the space within my home; but I’ve also lost touch with the lives of those whose paths do not overlap mine.
And so I wonder at this trade, like a pair of garden sheers long covered by magazine pages and unused recipes; where will I direct my attention as I create a new order to my day?
to my daughter
July 14, 2015 § Leave a comment
In all the busyness of moving there are unanticipated lulls; pockets of time where we sit still, share a laugh, or settle into conversations that drift aimlessly.
Today there was a single moment at the top of our stairs, you were stretched across a patch of sunshine on new carpeting. We talked about everything and nothing, but I was thinking of something I found while packing; an unintentional discovery.
I’ve given you journals for years, hoping to catch the evolution of your handwriting and the composition of your language for a time you cannot yet imagine; a paper trail to a simpler self. It was in one such notebook that my eyes snagged on a single passage on the only page of writing.
“… if I tell the story the other way then it will be like a piece of paper chewed up.”
Reading the surrounding sentences it was hard to tell if you were frustrated with my retelling of a story at a social gathering or an unsolicited suggestion for a written assignment. What lingered was the tone of a stubborn certainty and passionate conviction in your playful use of language; the intention in retraced letters and hastily erased strokes of pencil against paper.
It was none of my business, something I might not have discovered if I weren’t trying to make sense of misplaced items, but tonight it is the place my thoughts rest. A curious wondering and a happy mystery.
Love, Mom
the telling
July 14, 2015 § 2 Comments
The past five days have been a blur of words and action, paint cans litter our counter tops and kind messages interrupt busy hands. Our bodies are tired with long days of determined productivity and our spirits are weighted by a new tenderness for the generosity of our friends’ love.
Children and adults have offered assistance with the same enthusiasm they celebrated our news. We’ve relaxed into this kindness in a way that allows us courage enough to brave our own worries. Sleep comes as quickly as consciousness as we drift between raw enthusiasm and tired limbs.
I cannot remember every word of each sharing, but I want to remember the community of friendship that has marked our time here with gratitude for the goodness of so many remarkable individuals. We are better for the company we have kept and for the friendship we carry with us.
counting off
July 12, 2015 § 4 Comments
Up until this moment I haven’t allowed myself to fully entertain the possibility of failure; this decision, to move, feels fated. The past week has been a whirlwind of activity, but each action felt intentional; our footing on this path sure.
Today the realtor for our current home voiced uncertainties that created room enough for doubt. It was a necessary question, an important what if. There is no easy change, no accomplishment that does not invite risk, still I struggled all afternoon against the fear of failure I cannot control.
We could lose money, have to give up a new house we have come to love, put our children through unnecessary change. With all the what ifs I began to wonder, why bother? Why leave behind such certainty and stability at the cost of uncertain success.
We could stay put in a home and community that is familiar. Other opportunities will come along, different houses and career choices. We could move later when our children are older; when the decision is safer.
Except we can’t. I see the joy on my husband’s face reflected in my children’s company and I can feel the importance of this moment.
Just this once I don’t want to play it safe. I want to remember the childhood joy of counting off the heavy slap of swirling jump rope arches; the posture of flexing into chance undeterred by the possibility of poor timing or the embarrassment of getting tangled in failure.
There have been too many moments I’ve watched opportunity sweep past me from the sidelines, hesitating too long in the rhythm of change. I’m ready, to count off and jump.
purge & plenty
July 12, 2015 § 2 Comments
There is something cathartic about purging material reminders of negative relationships from our home in anticipation of our move. For years my mother-in-law would supplement love and kindness with material generosity at the cost of submissive acquiescence intended to communicate a debt of gratitude.
This week I have gathered these objects into miscellaneous donations, releasing the cost of their obligations to the anonymous benefit strangers. No longer are they tethered to my spirit or weighted against my attention.
In much the same way we shared beloved books that they might inspire new dreams and sifted papers of old intentions forgotten in the busyness of daily life, I have also let go of clothes and costume jewelry long unworn, decorative objects kept in corners without purpose in want of use.
As our house empties purposefully into unspecific brown boxes, I am finding a new emotional space of peace; hoping that when we unpack our lives into our new home we will find a sense of plenty in the possession of fewer distractions.
guarding joy
July 12, 2015 § Leave a comment
During these early days we have held our news cautiously among only a few close family and friends. My mother, our children, family friends who are unofficial grandparents to our children, and old friends from before we became a family. When I look back on this time, I want to remember the outpouring of love and positive words that marked this transition. The generosity of this kindness has made our work a happier endeavor and for that I will be ever grateful.
As more friends return from summer vacations and calendar dates invite occasions to share our news, I am hopeful we can sustain this space of positivity for our children as we celebrating this new chapter of our story.
Both children will be navigating complicated conversations cluttered with difficult emotions. I cannot control the impossibility of unanticipated goodbyes any more than I can predict the uncertainty of our welcome into a new neighborhood of strangers; both invaluable lessons in navigating the unpredictable. For now I am encouraging both children to lead with a smile and listen with tenderness, to guard their joy in a way that creates an expectation of enthusiasm that allows others to follow their example.
more, less
July 12, 2015 § 2 Comments
Today was an exercise in self-truth. Beneath all the clutter free surfaces of my home, there is a quiet chaos. Neatly organized nooks of procrastinated uncertainty. Items I hesitated too long to sort until the task of remembering their importance is almost impossible.
I had planned to start the day sorting through my children’s rooms, but as they slept my unsettled energy lead me, instead, to my office. Well intentioned pages of helpful information stored as a resource for another day were shelved with favorite books and forgotten keepsakes. My third grade report card and a bridal shower invitation, a birthday card completely shellacked with signatures from another life and old yearbooks whose spines crackled against time.
As I considered the value of so much nonsense, I became committed to permanently sorting each space into specific categories: to keep, to share, to donate, to dispose. It was tempting to categorize by necessity, but I quickly found that necessary is a tricky work, it creates just enough manipulation to exaggerate worth into a reason to store miscellaneous nonsense.
It was a long day, I worked until I could feel myself rushing certainty. Each time I struggled against sorting I would pause, move to a new corner and begin again. It is discouraging to think how much work remains, but I am eager to begin the next chapter of our lives unburdened by excess.
by the book
July 12, 2015 § Leave a comment
Today we began the process of packing. Everyone woke eager to begin and so we dove into the nearest starting point, the fireplace cabinets. Behind each set of doors were shelves of books, well-loved and, some, long forgotten. Both children quickly fell into old stories while I created piles and folded empty boxes into shape.
I am practical above sentiment, but these pages of beloved characters were nearly impossible to sort. In the end each child was given two boxes each to fill, another box to share between them. I packed one of my own with room enough for picture books I could not yet part with.
Soon after we sifted through games and crafts without the same tenderness with which we struggled over book titles; old friends bound lovingly for their new home. The remaining titles were thoughtfully distributed among friends as parting keepsakes, a few stragglers reserved for strangers.
Full corners filling empty boxes, a slow beginning to a new chapter.
to my children
July 12, 2015 § Leave a comment
Tonight your father and I shared our news. We sat over a meal, not rushing the moment. Our telling was brief, we presented it only as fact; without choices or excuses.
There was no anger, only thoughtful questions and emotional responses; tears and well measured logic that quickly turned to enthusiasm.
I could not be more proud of your genuine response or mature questions. I admire the way you sought answers and were unapologetically fragile in the transparency of your feelings.
You were both exceptionally kind, quick to consider our feelings and to worry over your friends’ responses. You determined this was news best shared in person and cause for a goodbye gathering.
Thank you for making a difficult moment, a cause for celebration. For leaping with us into this new unknown.
Love, Mom
