echo
February 1, 2011 § Leave a comment
Thoughts rattle around looking for focus and creating an echo. I hear the din, but keep searching for my voice. There is a humbling challenge in trying to create something new. Whether my words resonate with another or serve a more self-indulgent purpose is a wonderful mystery. For now, I am enjoying a moment of discovery.
forecast
February 1, 2011 § Leave a comment
The weatherman is predicting a snowfall that promises a rare proclamation; anticipation builds as school children await two words yet unspoken. Snow Day. My children smile in their sleep already dreaming of icy escapades. I peer into the early morning darkness at the fine dusting of snow that holds hope for a backyard fortress of frost populated with a battery of snowmen. Inside, the pantry is stocked with cocoa and marshmallows; movies and popcorn, board games and books stand ready for indoor distractions. I savor my morning coffee and send out an early morning wish on cold winter winds for the simple joys of a Snow Day.
the ostrich
January 31, 2011 § Leave a comment
I rather like burying my head in the sand, assuming my other end is sticking in the air. Somewhere between the cleansing breaths and elongated muscles of yoga postures I forget about dirty laundry, my children’s homework, and groceries. I press comfortably and push powerfully into moments of strength. I catch a glimpse of my inner warrior and ground myself in a moment of peace. Still, my crow won’t fly, but I welcome humility and humor as old friends… and stick my head back in the sand.
puppy love
January 30, 2011 § Leave a comment
Temporary insanity, our judgement clouded by sentiment, we adopted a puppy. The homecoming was intended, but unscheduled. For years our son had begged for a canine companion. My husband and I danced around the subject avoiding a commitment by pledging One Day. Still, the calendar gave no indication that One Day was That Day.
In a moment of spontaneity I suggested to my husband we visit a local pet store with both children and attempt to identify, individually and collectively, our prerequisites for picking a puppy. Breed, adult size, personality were concepts we had yet to discuss. Logic was soon overpowered by animal attraction. One by one, we were each drawn to a crimson bundle with eager green eyes. On clumsy puppy paws she tumbled onto our laps finding a home in our hearts.
We can mark the passage of time by our pup’s stages; stuffed animals, slippers, and socks have fallen victim to teething and teasing. Errands and excursions are scheduled around our furry family member’s comfort. Guests have weathered kisses and full-contact embraces with shock and grace. Chaos is as common as cuddles and smiles as prevalent as apologies. It is, after all, a dog’s life.
Saturday morning
January 29, 2011 § Leave a comment
My children sweep their hands in lazy circles over droopy eyelids, their limbs heavy with sleep as they slowly shuffle into the kitchen. The day begins quietly, conversations percolate as I sip my morning coffee. Breakfast is a scavenger hunt for something indulgent as we settle at the table haphazardly, the family dog nestled beneath my husband’s chair. Sunlight streams in through the windows washing away the evening’s dreams and Saturday unfolds.
music
January 28, 2011 § Leave a comment
I rebel against organized religion, but find it impossible to deny the power of faith when choirs sing. In contrast, the haunting beauty of a sole voice against a backdrop of silence is no less humbling. Instrumental or vocal, I reach for the fluid language of music when lost for words. In a moment of melancholy, a melody transcends time and I am flooded with sentiment for days long past. Like a child seeking the security of a mother’s embrace, I long to crawl inside a thick, rich sound to keep sadness at bay. Music bubbles effervescently from a place within me in moments of joy; my spirit celebrating with the grace of a small child clanging pots and pans. The music is not mine, their authors are strangers to me, but their lovers are my friends.
leap
January 28, 2011 § 1 Comment
This space began as something intimate. Today, with the love of my husband and close friends I have begun the process of letting go and opening up. Deep breath… new beginning…
a book
January 27, 2011 § 1 Comment
A book. Such a small thing in which to lose an entire person. Just as an author breathes life into her characters, these characters draw me through the Looking Glass into their world.
As a child I was an early reader and this interest was a companion in times of change. My parents divorced when I was very young, forever altering the landscape of my life. Homes, friends, expectations became unpredictable. Still, the familiarity of the written word gave me peace. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume, accompanied me on my journey into puberty when my own mother was miles away. The comfort and guidance of a woman’s voice anchoring me in a sea of turbulence.
Books fueled teenage fantasies of first loves and inspired daydreams during algebra. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, predicted complicated suitors with confusing messages of disinterest and adoration; Mr. Darcy was the standard by which I measured the boys in high school.
Later, required college reading would help me identify a passion in the vast world of academia. Shakespeare, Descartes, Min-Zhan Lu, and Foucault challenged me to push against my own boundaries and awakened a student of English, Philosophy, and Sociology. I started to see language as an instrument with which I could mold the world around me.
As a mother, books are part of my children’s daily regimen, nurturing their imaginations with pages of well loved books. Before they could read, each child would nestle into my lap, our time together a meeting place for exploration. On countless afternoons Shel Silverstein lead us down a magical sidewalk where humor and creativity inspired laughter and conversations centered in curiousity. Over time my children began to request new titles, their choices spoke of unique personalities finding their way in literature; picture books became chapter books, non-fiction evolved into research for their own ideas.
My story is common to many. Still, my passion for the possibility lurking between the covers of a new title calls to me and I am happily lost to another journey with an old love.
uninvited
January 26, 2011 § Leave a comment
Today’s challenge: stillness. There are moments when I can feel unhappiness pulling at my subconscious, taunting me with self-doubt or negativity. In response I tend to smile brighter, chase after projects more enthusiastically, increase the speed and momentum of my day in an effort to out race thoughts or feelings I am unsure of.
This morning, with moments of kindness and love gracing my daily routine, I rejected disharmony as an impostor. Still, it followed me as I walked my children to school and settled over me like the snow quietly sleeping on the ground. Irritated by the burden of my companion’s weight I grew angry and challenged this uninvited guest to say their piece. Silence.
So, today I am going to be still. I will take my spirit’s light and shine it into the dark corners of my mind and see if there is indeed a truth I have overlooked. Kindness and Patience will be my friends in stillness.
hide and peek
January 25, 2011 § 1 Comment
I am a nosey, private person; I welcome anonymity, but compulsively peek. I hide my Facebook account from strangers, but frequently search out old acquaintances. This cast of characters from stories long forgotten tug at my heartstrings. Images of veterans from my teenage trenches and college cliques, or suitors that didn’t suit bring to life hazy memories with the click of a mouse.
I peek into these publicly, private spaces seeking a moment of remembrance, not from another but for myself. Little voices call me mother, but so much of the woman within celebrates stolen moments from the past. They are my tiny treasures, beautiful pebbles in the ever flowing stream of life. I extract them for a moment, marvel at their beauty, and then replace them safely for another day.
