scribblechic

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I like to think the truth that breathes contradiction into this statement of changing sameness is our ability to stay constant in simple principles while gathering life lessons into our consciousness. Without this truth there is an assumption of a stagnant lack of growth.

Recently I celebrated change with an indulgent experiment in web design. This was my second effort to embrace a new design and I was inspired by the little lessons I encountered along the way; opportunities to identify myself with concepts centered in design required a connection to self and choices that resonated as authentically me. As I neared the end of my experience working with a talented and patient designer something happened that I had not foreseen; an uncharted crossroad. One mistake that would require an unanticipated change.

I needed to take a large step away from the familiar comforts of my site and explore a self hosted space. I was immediately anxious. Uncomfortable. Overwhelmed. I wasn’t ready to let go of the familiar. I set aside the expectation of change to consider the decision without the weight of anxiety. The peace that accompanied the absence of change directed me to my answer.

For now, I am grateful for the insight the experience lent me and content to share my thoughts here, in a place of familiar comfort. Despite the lack of change, I celebrate moments of growth and my sense of self; little truths that remain constant inspired and challenged by new awareness and possibilities left to explore when the time is right. Amid the sameness, I am changed and in the space of change I remain authentic to myself.

Last week I introduced the subject of design as I began working with a patient and talented woman to create a more personal style for my blog. Behind each design choice I found occasion to learn something new about myself. I thought I would pause to note these moments of insight layered between lines of messages exchanged over color and style.

Communication is cluttered with assumptions, largely my own. Working with a stranger and attempting to define myself with broad statements of color preferences created unique inferences with color. Initially I wanted to create a serene space centered in neutrals that conjured calming colors of a quiet, isolated beach. I avoided this description as it felt cliché. Instead, I inferred with statements of color. I listed gray, brown, green, blue without naming the warm sands or tranquil waters in my mind’s eye. Lost in translation, I referenced a site dedicated to inspiring palettes and found myself drawn to combinations outside my assumed favorites, but amusingly familiar to elements in my everyday life.

Style is a feeling. Where I inferred with color, I gave long winded references to personal preferences trying to project my sense of style. I listed elements of design in my home hoping to draw on decisions I have already made. Wood floors, stone materials, contemporary fixtures; clean lines and earth tones. I elaborated by unpacking my wardrobe trying to accessorize my personality with articles of clothing. I described my affinity for a cotton t-shirt and well-worn jeans with flip flops and my grown-up standards of pencil skirts and tailored dresses; casual and comfortable contrasting elegant and contemporary. Like pieces of my home or closet, choosing elements of design is less logical and more instinctive; a personal fit.

When in doubt, trust my gut. Underneath all of my assumptions and expectations, shades of truth were written in black and white. The things I did not like were clear with knee jerk honesty. Even elements I specifically requested did not always resonate. I was tempted to question friends for guidance, only to realize I was hiding behind others’ opinions. Of all the lessons in this exercise, this one was most humbling. When defining myself, I turned to others rather than inwards. I look outside myself for what I can only find within. This revelation lead to exercises in speaking up and being patient.

Working with a stranger on a personal project requires honesty and patience. There are days when we say nothing and days we exchange messages back and forth mucking through details. Having never met and without a relationship upon which to draw assumptions, opinions are  at once uniquely intimate and impersonal. We are not friends who can hurt one another’s feelings yet each design is personal. This lovely stranger offers me beautiful options and I look among them for a reflection of self, learning a little about myself along the way.