speaking with actions
September 7, 2012 § 2 Comments
Yesterday I attended a much anticipated lecture by a woman whose work has inspired and facilitated countless efforts to translate the unspoken language of social rules for my son. Accompanying me to the event was my endearingly, frustratingly, socially ambivalent child. Happily lost to his own interests and lonely for friendship we dance endlessly around the subject of social needs.
The speaker’s social lessons were simple and at their most basic reinforced the universal importance of interpersonal relationships by highlighting practical examples: family dinners, gestures of kindness without structured rewards, clearly outlined expectations to create successful communication. Then she added a contemporary twist to the practice of social interactions by shifting the audience’s attention to encompass technology. Here the lesson challenged my own social practices.
In so many ways I allow the conveniences of e-mail, writing, texting, and social media to lend me safely guarded moments of sharing. Even my most intimate thoughts are filtered by the conscious act of typing. These moments however important are void of the human experience of body language. The lesson was beautifully illustrated on a day shared well among others.
My morning began at the breakfast table with my children and a goodbye kiss from my husband. A borrowed moment in my son’s school lead to a conversation with another mother and later the company of young artists as they colored outside the lines for a school fundraising project. Near the end of the day I met my children at the table for dinner before visiting old friends en route to the lecture. The sound of laughter, the weight of hugs, and the unguarded creativity of young minds had filled my day with tangible examples of the importance of social exchanges. My daily keystrokes sounded hollow against so many conversations and laughter.
This is not an accurate representation of a typical weekday for me. I tend to balance independent tasks and family time, keeping time with friends separate. I am certain this pattern originated out of a simple need to manage tasks efficiently and prioritize time with family, but it occurred to me I am not modeling the social lessons I endeavor to teach and miscommunicating the value of my relationships.
Embracing this realization I am making a simple promise to myself to take more care to teach social lessons with actions as clearly as words; to make visible what I so often try to conjure with thoughts. Speaking with actions.
scribblechic 
You reminded me of how much I miss dinner with my family now that I’m working more evenings to compensate for the huge expenses we’ve had lately. Incentive to get back to working days.
Easily my favorite time of the day. For just a moment we are all still and bound together by a meal and conversation. I’m sure your family will save your seat. Meanwhile it sounds like you are modeling an equally valuable lesson in financial responsibility.