acting out & standing up
May 23, 2013 § 4 Comments
Sometimes I feel my husband and I slipping into familiar roles unnatural to our expectations; fragmented statements and disconnected actions out of harmony with our intentions. The foreignness of our behavior is balanced by the familiarity of the exchange, footsteps in a dance we know but whose music comes from another place. Insecurities from old relationships whose harm is hidden behind scars only we see.
We carry within us our experiences as someone’s child, another’s sibling, friendships and relationships whose memories, joys and harm, rest within us. In moments we do not always recognize, a word spoken shuffles old emotions to the surface and we react from a place not present but past.
Recently a disagreement seemed to strike the tender places of my heart like memories too faded to outline with words. By the time we had reconciled our emotions I felt too hollow to give what I did not hold within. There was no defensiveness or anger, just a sense of loss.
This experience of harm and healing is ongoing, tenderness challenging emotions hidden beneath benign words. The false comfort of time undermines effort, relationships endure with intent rather than assumptions. We accept our partner’s flaws alongside their strengths, becoming our best selves to better the life between us in a never-ending act of loving.
I suppose this is my love letter to those pieces of my personality and my husband’s that create unrest, that call us to embrace each disagreement and misunderstanding with a commitment to lend kindness before anger, to offer understanding alongside our wish to be understood. Standing up for the person across from us even as we act out, changing the footwork to an old dance in the middle of our song.
scribblechic 
Yes that dance is ongoing… sometimes in sync and sometimes not… just knowing each others steps is a lifelong experience.
Beautifully stated. Thank you.
This truth extends also to our children, friendships, and relationships with our own parents. The ability to share pieces of our lives with another requires effort and acceptance, patience and forgiveness, love and respect.
“We accept our partner’s flaws alongside their strengths, becoming our best selves to better the life between us in a never-ending act of loving.” -I liked this line a lot. So meaningful and true. Great post.
Thank you.