to my son
April 30, 2014 § 2 Comments
While your sister twirled toward an evening with dad, last Friday we ventured out for air scavenging the lingering hours of the spring day for food and conversation. These companionable moments, just the two of us, are a happy indulgence.
On this occasion I centered my attention in celebration of a recent increase in your independence. I pelted you with compliments and, to my surprise, you became quiet. As I pushed forward, into the silence, with saccharin expressions of thankful exuberance you retreated further. Chasing your silence with the noise of my joy I tried to retract you from your corner until your words stilled me.
You explained that the more I spoke of your success, the more you felt suffocated by the uncertain momentum of your accomplishments. Initially I baulked at the suggestion that my praise might undermine your progress. It was only when I set aside the filter of my hopes as your mother that I could more clearly see the honesty in your teenage confession. In your vulnerable forthrightness, you translated a subtext of judgement that belied my contentment.
Rather than celebrating your accomplishment you wanted to stand simply in a place of self-awareness. Under your breath, almost to yourself, you confessed it felt good to be productive. This was my favorite moment, the casually measured acquiescence of your accomplishment. The greater joy is not the pride of others, but pride in self untethered to other’s expectations.
Love, Mom
scribblechic 
Its really heart touching situation hope everything going well now for future with you
Thank you!