letting go
May 3, 2014 § 8 Comments
Life lessons so often appear as a serendipitous suggestion, one that must be invited into consciousness with a full heart and open mind. In April I was challenged as part of an on-line community project to embrace an exercise in letting go by identifying a direction to the assigned release.
Philosophically I debated the idea of dwelling on a theme while the practical pieces of my personality wanted to target a particular, functional element of my days; behaviors, mindsets, insecurities, old dreams all seemed equally relevant and hopelessly evasive. In the end, I permitted myself the freedom of uncertainty and let go of knowing the answer.
The moment I gave myself room to move beyond expectation, an answer revealed itself; creating an opportunity for change.
The past eight years I have amassed a collection of materials intended to guide and inform my choices as a mother of children with special needs. They were safe havens of knowledge fostering hope and instilling determination; conveniently outlined problems with bullet point suggestions for success. I read these books, assimilating relevant terms and practices into my dialogue and directing my choices as an advocate; determinedly crafting a plan for mothering my children by mastering my understanding of their needs.
Initially these books were a silent community of compassion and encouragement; I found reflections of self reading others’ experiences. There was also, however, an expectation that my children, despite their uncompromised individuality, could conveniently confine their needs to text-book cliff notes.
When my army of knowledge could not preserve my children’s peace of mind or protect them from other’s harm I began to second guess the instincts that undermined my certainty. So much of what I read could not address the gaps in my children’s needs. In a world unbound by logic and sometimes unbalanced in kindness and empathy there was no certain insurance to inform and guard against the irrational errors of others. More importantly there is no more informed expert on the complicated beauty of a single spirit than a parent.
Today I am letting go of answers and embracing my questions; gifting many of the books that I no longer reference for answers to my children’s schools for teachers and other families. I am lending insight to create a more balanced dialogue of care and sharing the responsibility of knowledge in genuine partnership for change.
I am still uncertain of this journey I began so many years ago, but I am unwaveringly certain in this moment that knowing my children as individuals is much more important than understanding their diagnoses. Just as informing others is more important than shouldering the burden of change alone.
scribblechic 
Lovely. And I totally agree 🙂 Every child is unique and perfect just the way they are.
Thank you, Miriam! We should all be so loved, completely and unconditionally with appreciation for the details that define our differences.
The best thing we all can have is a realization of just how much we can never know. Once we accept that and choose to focus on the parts that are of real importance to us–friends & family–our lives truly become “good.”
I’m chuckling a bit writing this as the phrase “preaching to the choir” is just running, banner fashion, through my mind 🙂
Congratulations on that recent victory. I think it will prove to be a wise move. The advice of others is always welcome; vital. In the end, though, the choices we make as parents can–as you stated clearly–only be made in the context of all that is real about our childrens’ own identities.
The choir makes for good company, Maurice. Thank you!
I am sure your perspectives are valued. And it sounds like the books have served their purpose on your end.
With our special little one, I think the books and expertise were helpful initially, but his diagnosis is so much of an umbrella term that I don’t use them much now either. By paying close attention to him, I have had more success at preventing certain situations from occurring that I know will be problematic–it is easy to prevent a fire than to put one out.
I agree, the intricacies of each child’s personality creates a subtext of need best interpreted by experience and filtered with care.
Each child is special and unique. I share the same opinion, fantastic post.
Thank you for your kind words of affirmation.