to my son
May 16, 2014 § 10 Comments
High school waits on the other side of summer, I feel this milestone with the tenderness of motherhood and the wisdom of hindsight. For as much as we caution the value of hard work and academics, these years will bring emotional experiences that teach more of self and selflessness, community and individuality.
Somewhere between classrooms and homework, extracurricular interests and family obligations you are going to fall in love and out of friendship; you will come to see others more clearly and your sense of self will be challenged. If I could lend you counsel in three simple parts, it would be this:
Look up at the world around you and navigate discomfort for an opportunity to engage. Make a new friend, try a new activity. The greatest regrets are formed from missed opportunities. Dare to look silly and feel overwhelmed.
Hold tightly to those relationships where you can laugh and cry with the same unfiltered abandon. Make room, too, for others to be unapologetically imperfect. Care for these relationships, they will ground you in humility and gratitude on days you feel lost.
Always trust the little voice that whispers caution. There will be moments when you tempt fate with difficult lessons, this voice will tether you to safety in the face of harm and create an opportunity to borrow strength. We are only a phone call away.
If you are still listening:
Remember we love you. These years are a comedy of awkward chaos, emotions tangling the simplest of intentions; for us, too. Your father and I will look silly and seem unfair, our advice will sound comical and useless through the filter of teenage angst. When you cannot hear our logic, look for signs of love in the boundaries that inform your independence. I will try to see your ability through your errors and give you room enough to stumble. Love you.
Mom
scribblechic 
As yours enters high school, mine leaves. My best advice is to know that even when they don’t seem to be listening, they are. Our son has insisted on his own path and that has created strife, but he is also a charming young man (as others consistently tell us), funny and generous. Have fun with high school!
Great advice, Janice, something I’m certain I’ll return to many times in the coming years. Best of luck to you, and your son, on this next chapter.
Challenging years for all. Thinking back, sometimes just knowing someone was there as parents who did care mattered the most. Though as I think I said before, it took hindsight to see it more clearly.
I hope your son has a fantastic summer in anticipation of his big transition.
Agreed. We all need a safe place to error; mistakes are part of growing up.
Something I learned from all sides–as student, teacher and parent–is that the high school years tend to be much more pleasant ones than are the ones from middle school. There are a host of reasons for this, including new friends, a wider variety of courses and, most important, the gift of that added maturity on behalf of all. Wishing your son all the best…
Thanks, Maurice! I appreciate the borrowed hindsight of those who have already navigated this path.
I would love to think the third bit alone is enough, but as we all know (as parents), sometimes it’s not. I wish it were otherwise . . .
I wish it were, too. Maybe it will be. We can hope, right!?
The last part is all he needs to know-that you love him. This is a heart rendering post. My kids have some ways to go to hit this milestone but will come back to your post when they do – to get some foresight and strength
Thank you. Years from now I hope we will both return to these thoughts and find truth in this above all else – that love can keep our children safe.