good & honest
December 20, 2015 § 5 Comments
I was raised to be good, compliant; to tend to expectations and keep private those ideas that hinted at selfishness. Sometimes good came at no greater cost than performing an unwanted task, other times a favor meant compromising the integrity of my own needs.
Tonight someone asked me a favor. A small request that assumed a convenience that did not exist. My first instinct was to please, but conceding convenience meant creating an expectation that was untrue.
I considered the times I said yes to a pastime I did not enjoy, a beer I did not want, a bad joke I thought was in poor taste, gossip that sounded bitter to my ears or an untruth I did not correct with polite silence. It is easy to be good; to nurse a drink I will not finish or laugh to avoid making another uncomfortable, to listen without contradicting or correcting.
Except, if I am not honest in my choices, others are lost to assume I want another drink or share criticism or humor I do not enjoy. Performing a fallacy of self creates little untruths of passiveness.
Tonight I was honest when it might have been easier to be good.
scribblechic 
It is in fact a difficult thing to face within ourselves, but as you said, otherwise is to live a lie and confirm our worth to ourselves and others in those actions.
I released those things and now stand in my truth. I changed, it changed others….but more importantly, I now love me more because of that journey.
Great post Marie, thank you for sharing.
It is an exhausting labor, the masks we wear and the walls we build to guard our hearts.
So true Marie, but in their lesson they slowly reveal that beauty within.
They are only there to show us those untruths so that we can remove our walls of fear and be changed within.
One cannot truly love without first loving ourselves, and in that journey of lies, masks and fear IS that discovery. It has much purpose so that we can ‘see’.
Our self worth, that measure of how much we love ourselves is guided by the fears that we hold. Once faced, understood and removed, opens us closer and closer to that unconditional love…and then the love and beauty within our hearts is free, no longer held back by those walls we created.
May your new year guide your heart past those walls and fears, and free the truth of who you are within.
I still have a couple to go, but each day I face them in the knowledge that I am able to understand their meaning and release them, for it was I that built them.
Thank you for sharing Marie, blessings for the new year!
Thank you, Mark, for your luminous insight and generous sharing. There’s so much kindness and wisdom in your responses.
Thank you Marie. I’m just sharing what I have been shown. I tripped and stumbled with the best of them 🙂
In the years of my Massage, Reiki and Bowen Therapy I asked within to be able to heal others, ( I should have known the outcome 🙂 ), so spirit asked me to heal myself first as I cannot heal another while being unhealed myself, love another while being unloving to myself.
It can be done but obviously not fully while I had those fears within myself, I would block so many things.
So the journey began, that is what my blog site is about, that journey. (Sorry, not trying to sell anything…promise 🙂 , people are naturally attracted to it or not).
Thank you also for your kind words, I was attracted to your words on your site because they are from your truth, and because of that hold a great strength and show a love of self because of that.