be(ing)

January 7, 2015 § 6 Comments

I possess an undeniable affinity for messages of worth that empower an appreciation for, confidence in, and expectation of growth; values and endearments, affirmations and declarations that speak to individuality and resilience. I scribble words into the texture of my day with artwork and jewelry, letters and lists; goals and promises that guard the sanctity of my dreams for the life I craft with my choices.

Still, some days the language of my hope suffocates the joy from more imperfect experiences as the words that measure my accomplishments do not align with the image of self that is fractured with shortcomings.

What if instead of holding to the cookie cutter, hashtag culture of abbreviated, social media mission statements we edited our wishes to a quieter contentment? Perhaps it is enough to Be without more grand aspirations of excellence trapped in exhaustive adjectives that suffocate gratitude for less with expectations of excess.

I speak only of my doubts as I sift through emotions and questions that challenge my assumptions and tendencies; condensing an image of self into catch phrases that overlook the complex contradictions of individuality that resist generic exaggerations of accomplishment. Perhaps our greatest accomplishments require only the courage to be ourselves.

 

snow day

January 6, 2015 § 2 Comments

The phone calls have been made, this morning’s whispers are tomorrow’s promise; a day wiped clean of routine by the whim of weather. It is a small thing, the simplest joy banging noisily against the fullness of empty hours. Happy mischief and harmless mayhem wait on the other side of a winter night’s dream.

dog days

January 3, 2015 § 2 Comments

The past two weeks have been a happy blur of holidays and home. Lingering Christmas decorations are as telling as the misplaced shoes drafted for mischief in moments of distraction.

There is a joyful chaos to the predictable disruption of order that can be measured in muddy puppy prints and unexpected puddles. Each mess is met with the comic frustration of uncoordinated damage control as we trip collectively over the rough edges of progress in a cautious choreography of care.

Simple expectations and firm boundaries have gifted us a new language as we struggle, clumsily, toward consistency. We’re teaching our pup about the space of our home, but we’re also learning a bit about ourselves and one another as we share inconvenient responsibilities and celebrate unexceptional success with notable enthusiasm.

We are laughing and sighing in unison, sharing sympathetic glances and uncovering new smiles. We’ve set aside of our worries and found extra excuses to play, spent less time planning for company and more time doing nothing, together.

This is the secret I’ve come to understand, the days are longer in puppy years for the time we cease to count while we tend to the little things that matter.

mind body

January 2, 2015 § 4 Comments

There is an unwanted voice in my mind that interrupts my comfort with unkind whispers. Insecurities that exaggerate my flaws and dwell in criticism. It is a voice I would not use to address another and yet I give this companion residence in my heart. My mind debates the manipulations with logic and well rehearsed messages of unconditional acceptance for personal imperfections, but confidence fails me still. This morning, curled into a cloak of gentleness I am tempering the quiet battles with care; an unhurried cup of coffee in a quiet house, clothing so soft it falls weightless on my frame, a naked face and freshly washed hair. Little indulgences that bind me to a sense of delight; a letting go and coming to.

write

January 1, 2015 § 4 Comments

This day will not come again. The stillness of an uncomplicated and quiet togetherness born of sleepy souls shifting contentedly between insignificant tasks is today’s alone. It is the day we gift ourselves extra care and permission to rest, the tint of last night’s celebrations casting the day in a soft filter of nostalgia for the year past. Resolutions press against the binding of a new calendar, but I am rapt with gratitude for that which I would not change as I dwell peacefully between yesterday and tomorrow.

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

wake

December 31, 2014 § 8 Comments

We begin in truth; breathing life against filaments of hope and embers of love still warm beneath so much loss and fear. December will wake a New Year and we will draft our dreams against the dawn; the blush of our conviction written into a new beginning.

We sleep on the cusp of possibility.

threads

December 30, 2014 § 6 Comments

Some days I am haunted by a silent unraveling as words in want of paper work against the stillness of my pen. Gossamers of truth that play against the light; memories that catch against the sharp corners of lost minutes.

In these moments, I wonder this: what if we are given but one story to share or squander?

 

more

December 28, 2014 § 9 Comments

The word itself is childish in its implied excess; greedy and passionate, clumsy and jubilant. The sound rolls against my tongue, my lips rounding with delight as the thought curls into a promise of possibility teasing my attention.

My natural tendencies are inclined toward less. I am most comfortable in minimal surroundings, content on a quieter path. Even my habits are unexceptionally unburdensome; my intimacies few, my possessions unextraordinary, my commitments few.

It is strange how chance wedges a suggestion into the unexpected until our thoughts lend roots that we might blossom into action. In my effort to choose a word for the year to come, a word has, perhaps, chosen me.

Just as I might number resolutions for self-improvement into a promise, in naming the year I first seek areas of growth and sources of inspiration in search of a theme that will tether me to conscious intention. Some of my goals are familiar in their failed fruition, others fleeting in their entrancement.

This morning I gathered a list of words, pages of suggestions printed in tidy, unassuming rows that I then read aloud; sounding out each word for resonance. In years past I might stike a line against those words that fell flat against my ears, circling those that kindled a spark within the recesses of my emotions. This year, my pen began scratching tiny addition symbols in the empty margin between rows as certain words begged my attention. Rather than whittling my list to a singular intention, my choices multiplied into a wish for more:

Balance, grace, intention, listening, ownership, play.

One of these words alone would bear a cumbersome responsibility to sustain across the span of a year. Too many words might tempt a fractured attention with broken results. Instead I am considering threading words and days with a message of more; assigning direction to seasons and inviting unanticipated opportunities for more without sacrificing an appreciation for less.

I am certain only of the spark behind the quick sketch in the margin of my words.

naming the year

December 27, 2014 § 4 Comments

The act of naming the New Year is a personal tradition that began in friendship, borrowed from another’s idea it has become a thread of thought that tethers my days to intention against the fullness of life’s daily distractions. Rather than resolutions, too fragile against the brittle stubbornness of old habits, I shape the year by first sounding out a single word that becomes a lens for personal growth.

Today I am scribbling possibilities with the elaborate scrawl of a child playing at their signature. Looping my thoughts around dramatic pen strokes and sounding out the New Year.

 

to my children

December 25, 2014 § 2 Comments

In the week ahead I will settle our home in anticipation of the year to come, tenderly nestling decorations into safekeeping for another holiday. I cannot imagine the days that will fill the space between this Christmas and next any more than I can tuck this day into yesterday without first holding my finger to my favorite pieces, stretching each moment into tomorrow.

This morning the sweet indulgences of your stockings were quickly forgotten as you rushed to offer one another items crafted, thoughtfully, for each other. Blurry photographs and poor lighting captured these fleeting moments of surprise; sweeping smiles and wide eyes punctuating sleepy enthusiasm. In contrast, the most tender disappointment came briefly and privately in the lines of an apology for wishes ungranted. It is the moment I most wish I could undo in my powerlessness to grant the impossible. Another year of misplaced magic lost in a letter for Santa.

The sweetest moment still came at the most unexpected hour, late on Christmas Eve, in stolen minutes of hushed giggles as you each conspired to play in an unwitting protest of bedtime. I sat on the perimeter of your silliness, peeking from the pages of my book to gather the images of your dimpled nonsense. Despite the angst of your unexceptional daily irritations, there was a tenderness in your company last night that I could not bring myself to interrupt. This will be the Christmas image I hold most tightly in my memories, before the stockings were emptied or the gifts unwrapped.

Smiles stuck to the corners of my thoughts as sleep begs my attention.

Love,

Mom