one small thing
January 6, 2016 § 2 Comments
January often bears the burden of grand goals, intimate resolutions that too often undermine our mindfulness for the many blessings of our life as is.
Efforts at growth misconstrued into expectations of change; good intentions suffocated by the comfort of familiar routines. This week, drawing further on the subject of mindfulness for what is, I am celebrating small gestures of wholeheartedness.
One small thing, each day; from finishing projects to intentional eating, I am taking greater care with the small pockets of time that are so often lost to restless discontent.
Little love letters to a life in progress.
planning perfect
January 5, 2016 § 5 Comments
Maybe it was my children returning to school from vacation or my son’s impending semester finals, but yesterday I was caught off guard by the memory of my younger self struggling against impossible expectations and an accidental legacy of self-inflicted inadequacy.
I remembered early school days past, scribing my work with plans to intentionally redo my efforts for a performance of perfection. Wanting to reframe my work into something exemplary, postponing completion for the anticipation of something better only to feel overwhelmed by the impossibility of the task I burdened myself with.
I do this still.
I plan to eat with greater consciousness and exercise more consistently in anticipation of reshaping myself to wear a dress hidden dismissively among an unexceptional wardrobe of invisibility. I schedule time with friends to allow time enough to clean up the honesty of my space for the image of the life I plan to live when I am more organized. I procrastinate my dreams for uncertain qualifications.
Then, with predictable consistency, tomorrow arrives dressed as today in yesterday’s intentions. Time is too costly a barter for perfection.
I wish I could whisper in my elementary ear to finish homework the best I could and move on so as not to squander my time on a lost task. That sweet girl grew up assuming her best would inevitably fall short of acceptable. I want her to wear the dress that makes her feel beautiful without first waiting on a different reflection and invite company without worrying her home is not properly tended. I want her to dream out loud and expect struggle even in the pursuit of joy.
Not every effort is beautiful, but lost opportunities supplement dreams with remorse.
Today I’m working on a more forgiving expectation of self that I might unburden my actions of unkind standards.
trust
January 3, 2016 § 3 Comments
As part of my wholehearted year I am embracing exercises in self; unique opportunities to challenge my assumptions and grow more open to a perspective that encourages accountability with greater understanding.
A perpetual student of curiosity with messy, imperfect efforts at intentional living I am consistently encouraged by the work of Brené Brown who speaks on subjects that intrigue and elude me; inspire and inform greater consciousness. This morning, coffee in hand, I listened as Brené spoke on the subject of trust.
In her lecture, Brené sounds out the significance of trust within the intimacy of our most vulnerable confidants; identifying the ways we trespass trust when we speak unkindly, disingenuously, or share information that is not ours.
I have sacrificed relationships that consumed considerable space in my life for the peace of security when my trust was undermined by this very behavior. Individuals who spoke ill from different sides of a mouth that smiled falsely.
It is a heartache I elude with avoidance, but what of my offerings? It would be easy to shy away from my errors in judgment, so I am looking tenderly today at those places where I may learn from difficult mistakes.
I have broken others’ trust with passive dishonesty; dancing around uncomfortable conversations with polite silence or performing acts of complicity as currency for trust. This year I want to wade into the discomfort of my vulnerability and honor, with integrity, those boundaries that demand respect to preserve trust.
To live wholeheartedly in trust.
2016
December 30, 2015 § 1 Comment
This year my One Little Word® came to me in the shape of letters that formed almost unbidden beneath my pen. Each letter stroked seamlessly in a single wish.
It is a promise to recenter myself in presence and passion that I act from a place of intention and gratitude for the richness of each day; a recognition that in the complicated, imperfect mess of everyday demands there is grace enough to create a legacy of love and purpose.
scribblechic 