color of kindness
October 18, 2014 § 10 Comments
I did the thing I do not do. This morning I shared a message of advocacy in a social media forum that asks friends and acquaintances to exercise kindness and patience for children with special needs in anticipation of Halloween.
It felt natural to share and yet I was unsettled after doing so. I wonder if participating in this cycle of advocacy perpetuates a mentality of other that divides us too much by our differences rather than dwelling in a place of sameness?
I can see myself so clearly in a pattern of good intentions that sometimes undermines goals of acceptance with an emphasis on diversity. Allow me to lend a little background.
Years ago, when my son was first diagnosed with special needs, my husband and I gifted ourselves a year of privacy to process our emotions and educate ourselves before we moved into a position of public advocacy. The expectation of sharing his diagnosis was born of a responsibility to honor our son’s differences openly and honestly, removing the threat of stigma or shame.
Our vehicle for communication was a well-known national charity. This marked the only time we raised money to support a cause directly associated with our son’s needs. We gathered messages of well-wishes and generous contributions in an effort to offer our son a visual demonstration of love and support that he might feel empowered by the army of kindness that celebrated a community of ability.
We were no different before we acknowledged our son’s needs than we were after the fundraiser, in fact we were very much the same family we were before our son’s diagnosis.
That last sentence is perhaps the most important statement of advocacy I could make. Our lives, the action of living is greater than our labels, still we choose our words mindful of their ability to both empower and limit. We align ourselves with diagnoses openly while intentionally advocating privately in ways that allow our family to be greater than a singular cause.
So why the discomfort over my social media message? In identifying causes for kindness I am left wondering when kindness became a cause, something we attribute to tolerance over acceptance.
Is there a color for kindness?
scribblechic 
Henry believes of all the colours, it must be black. For it is only in the absence of this martyr of colour, that all over colours can exist. Black chooses to be the scapegoat. Black is a lot like batman, or maybe it should be the other way round?
But, alarmingly, I have recently heard through the grape vine, (otherwise known as Netflix) that Orange is the new black. So if this is true. Then I change my answer to Orange.
Thank you
Kindness should always be an easy choice.
Kindness to who? Kindness shown to the one who deserves it is the most natural instinct in the world. However, kindness shown to the bastard who beats his wife and bullies his children…kindness to him, not so much. Unless, of course, you would count twisting his head off as an act of kindness?
I would.
My initial response to your original comment was obscenely brief given the deceptively playful and thoughtfully witty interpretation of color. Kindness is more complicated when filtered against violence. I would not prescribe kindness for cruelty anymore than I would perform an act of violence against another to heal a harm.
Thank you for comments that weighted me in greater thought.
I live to serve, my lady.
Marie – One of my clips apply to your blog – Color of Kindness!
Please speak to your connection between kindness toward others and passion for your craft. I can certainly appreciate another’s joy, but I am curious how you interpret this message.
Thank you Marie for your wonderful response. I apologize for being so fast. I agree with you and with your suggestion, I am going to translate it and pass to you. Thank you!!
Kindness and forgiveness–without doubt the two essential traits needed for a worthwhile life. I am not sure, though, that it should be the easy choice. Too often, especially when “hurt” is involved the natural instinct is for retribution; a thing that may perhaps bring a fleeting sense of comfort but which, instead, only serves to deepen the wound in the long term. It’s my experience that kindness often carries with it tremendous risk: will the person just see the act as an admission of some weakness instead of what it really is, namely, a reflection of inner strength.
You raise a significant point, the assumption of weakness over strength and the trust we place in others to see our truth.