dressed down
September 20, 2016 § 5 Comments
In cultivating a new wardrobe for work, I had time enough to play at dressing up; fitting room productions of curious costumes for uncertain scenarios.
I slipped into elegant pencil skirts and feminine dresses, sharp slacks and pristine blouses. High heels and kitten pumps, practical penny loafers and functional ballet flats. The combinations were endlessly entertaining and mildly exhausting.
I wondered briefly at who I might have been had I ordered my choices differently; turning appreciatively to gauge the stranger that seemed at once both familiar and foreign. Store clerks acknowledged these alternate versions kindly, but I could only weather the work of each effort with disjointed appreciation.
I felt less myself without my feet braced barefoot for balance or fabrics gentle enough to accommodate my tendency to curl into a ball. Beautiful pieces were lost to the hair I more often let fall and the face I prefer washed clean.
For all the years I might have wanted to feel beautiful or sexy, I am most myself undone; happier outside the attention of dress and lost more peacefully to my thoughts.
I wonder if we ever outgrow the art of playing at self. Perhaps I have failed colorfully at growing up by too casually dressing down.
scribblechic 
When our fears are finally understood…only then do we just be ourselves regardless of what we are wearing or trying to portray.
Those many years of ‘dressing up’ always show us ‘trying’ to be something. Having understood our fears, that ‘trying’ disappears because it is no longer driven by anything.
Yes, we can’t wear climbing boots, shorts and an arm less top to work for obvious reasons, but we no longer need to portray, we just accept ourselves regardless.
The difference is like night and day.
You already are very accepting of yourself Marie, hence where your comfort zone already is in that ‘dressed down’ way 🙂
May that acceptance be the ‘failure’ to this world…but also the love and acceptance of who you really are within 🙂
I’m working on the acceptance piece, Mark. Most days I lean toward comfort and I hope that is not a convenient shelter from the discomfort of visibility.
You can already ‘see’ that there can be a difference…and you will ‘know’ which it is in your heart. Follow it, and your path is balanced.
All choices teach, slowly entering the love of self and the truth that your heart is built on. There are no mistakes. Believe, and have faith in you 🙂
“I am most myself undone.” Love this:).
Thanks!