mother’s helper
May 11, 2012 § Leave a comment
Motherhood has been a journey of love and discovery I share with my husband. From the first days of clumsy uncertainty and sleepless nights I have been blessed with a genuine partnership in parenting. My husband and I speak a silent code of gestures and tones that reach across rooms of our home calling for a spontaneous celebration, quiet collaboration, or reprieve from a moment’s frustration. This Mother’s Day I am giving thanks for the strength and humor that balances my endless worries.
My favorite moments as a mother are greater for witnessing my children and my husband together. Playful and patient, my husband feeds their natural curiosity with the same ease I curl them into my company over a book or in the event an unfortunate moment robs them of their smile.
An oversized adolescent he startles our children out of slumber with play while I run through an invisible checklist each morning. Where my responses are often measured, my husband laughs sincerely and heartily with a boisterousness that invites humor in moments weighted with worry. Quite often he is the raucous force inside the picture frame while I hold the camera to capture the image.
At the end of the day I look forward to unraveling our experiences into stories, drawing him into our timeline from the mundane to the miraculous. I could measure our life in the expressions my husband and I exchange over the tops of our children’s heads as we give thanks for a life well shared. It is a story of simple joys and unconditional love, sprinkled with humor and kindness.
irony & intention
May 7, 2012 § Leave a comment
Sometimes the most exhausting relationships inspire greater self-awareness. A relative who overpowers a room evokes an appreciation for a quieter strength founded in compromise. A dramatic acquaintance lends appreciation for the beauty of simplicity. A negative soul highlights an appreciation for a positive outlook.
Occasionally a strong discomfort is an internal acknowledgment of my own challenges reflected in another’s behavior. Ironically some of my greatest mentors are the contradictory characters who draw into consciousness an opportunity to grow and live with greater intent.
When discomfort casts light on an unflattering trait I acknowledge the unpleasant flaw is not merely a sign of weakness but an occasion to fortify knowledge with a new perspective. My body recognizes uncertainty with tension that exaggerates doubt, frustration, and denial. When I let go of my hold on certainty I am rewarded with a surge of clarity that washes away anxiety.
Setting aside the emotions that blur my ability to process another’s lesson, my mind opens more freely. Sometimes a new perspective inspires me to create change and other times another validates existing beliefs. Awareness breeds intention.
This note is my reminder for myself to keep curiosity and compassion close to conviction lest I overlook a lesson disguised as a moment’s frustration.
house & home
May 6, 2012 § Leave a comment
My husband and I have always spoken of change with an expectation that each occasion presented an opportunity to realize the promise of an abstract sense of possibility. We dream out loud on subjects ranging from work and children, to hobbies and home. Some subjects we address with a romantic sense of whimsy; our dreams alluring for their stark contrast to reality. There are dreams that if realized I might miss their uncertain possibility and other dreams more beautiful once weighted in reality.
Our first home remodeling project came to fruition in the glow of newlywed ignorance. The absence of expectations created a sense of adventure that helped the days pass with tolerance for temporary inconveniences. Years later in our second home dust and disaster were equally acceptable as we converted my husband’s childhood home into something of our own. More recently I began to dread the reality of our remaining remodeling projects with the same measure of anxiety as enthusiasm for the anticipated expectation of change.
Fine layers of dust and the disharmony that accompanies the chaotic atmosphere of construction left me with all the patience of a two-year old. I wanted to sit on our narrow stairway, blocking the path and halting the progress of a much needed renovation. Even the wallpaper is ready to retire, curling self-consciously from its seam. It is time for my vision to expand and encompass a moment my husband and I have dreamed of; the end of a once long list of house projects.
As we near this moment I pause to give thanks for the generous spirit that lovingly makes our house, our home. Long hours between work and play were devoted to each room of our home. My husband tirelessly transforming his childhood home into our children’s home.
I have happy memories of our kitchen floor, bare concrete filled with chalk outlines of our children’s forms; beneath my office carpet there are painted footprints in the pattern of our daughter’s toddler steps from her eager endeavors to paint; the memory of my son proudly demolishing an old brick fireplace with the awkward weight of a sledgehammer balanced by the twinkle in his eyes; tiny scratches in our hardwood floor stir memories of our puppy. The strength of each room’s walls keep us safe and the love inside them guards our dreams. Without the company of my family and the possibility of dreams, our home is just a house.
jekyll & hyde
May 5, 2012 § Leave a comment
Dimpled smiles and sentimental gestures have been replaced with passive aggressive posturing; deep sighs, eye rolls, and argumentative mumblings. My mild-mannered Mr. Darcy has been transformed into a preteen tangle of emotions. Gone are the eloquent laments and generous demonstrations of gratitude; in its place is a temperamental curiosity that calls me Mom.
Jekyll reaches for my hand when we cross traffic and hugs me before leaving for school. Hyde rants that he needs more respect; bemoaning my high expectations. Jekyll says please and Hyde groans what. I comfort myself with the knowledge that these dramatic demonstrations of exaggerated irritation are exclamations of independence, but time has passed so quickly that it seems impossible to reconcile the reality of Hyde with the company of Jekyll. How quickly we have arrived at this place of adolescence.
I abhor the angst, but listen to Hyde’s litany of perceived transgressions against Jekyll’s pride. I cling to patience reaching for a connection that will bridge the space between moods. Hormones exaggerate emotions that underlie frustration; contentment challenging conflict with little cause. Hidden beneath my irritation there is humor; the endearing big brown eyes that roll so laboriously and the heartfelt sighs of injustice are delivered with preteen panache.
quiet
May 1, 2012 § Leave a comment
In the frenzied moment of spontaneous certainty when I first tagged a name and theme to this curious space I embraced the phrase serendipitous refelctions with a quiet confidence. Thoughts bubble to the surface of my consciousness with little warning sending me scrambling for note paper or the staccato of my fingers dashing across keys as I endeavor to tuck my thoughts safely into words.
Recently my days have passed quickly with a hurried busyness; my limbs heavy with exhaustion born less of physical exertion and more of emotional distraction. I could not seem to still myself long enough to unravel my thoughts into words. Worries for my son’s social needs, my daughter’s academic needs, and a loneliness for my husband’s company tug at my attention.
This week I am consciously shifting from momentum to intention. I am remembering to give thanks for my children’s strengths rather than dwell on their challenges; I am celebrating my husband’s company on this unpredictable journey as a family rather than daydreaming of time alone. My quiet here reflects my peacefulness as I center my mind, body, and spirit in gratitude.
open mind, full heart
April 25, 2012 § 4 Comments
My day today began with a meeting, a discussion with a member of my daughter’s educational team who shares a special history with me. Six years ago we met across a large table in a formal meeting where several therapists and educators evaluated my son’s educational needs. This morning we met casually, seated at a much smaller table perched in child size chairs to discuss my daughter’s educational needs. We could have just as easily been old friends meeting for coffee and sharing stories about our children; her smile is a source of encouragement and humor.
Recently I watched a friend begin her own journey into the language of special needs in an elementary school setting. Her child’s challenges differ from my children’s, but my advice is simple: begin with an open mind. Even in moments of uncertainty and frustration, I try to open my mind to explore different perspectives. I listen, ask questions, and research to weigh my decisions. I also remember each of the professionals that work with my children have experience that lends me a wealth of knowledge.
I left the meeting today aware of a mutual respect and sense of friendship. The community of teachers, therapists, and administrators that I have come to know over the years have become an extension of our family. They offer kindness and guidance during difficult moments with the same genuine appreciation they applaud each of my children’s accomplishments. It is a partnership that extends beyond polite exchanges and paperwork. I see the faces of mothers and fathers that understand my role as a parent. I see friends eager to share a resource or a smile. In return I meet them with an open mind, ready to advocate for my children, and grateful for professionals passionate about their work.
questionable certainty
April 24, 2012 § Leave a comment
I have unintentionally began to schedule our summer. Two commitments anchor our time and I am hesitant to sacrifice lingering lazy days of serendipitous exploration to additional obligations. Even as I clutch tightly to unstructured time, I look over my shoulder at other mothers’ agendas questioning how much is too much and what is not enough?
I can broaden my uncertainty to encompass old decisions. Confident in a moment, doubt catches up with me stealing my resolve. Should I force my son to continue a particular sport? Should I insist my daughter explore other interests? Do I enforce expectations or nurture independent demonstrations of individual interests?
I know there isn’t a simple right or wrong answer. The bigger personal truth is that I mother my children from the trenches of my own comfort zone. I tell myself that I celebrate our unsystematic exploration of interests and resistance to conform to cookie cutter choices, but quietly unspoken doubts lead to second guessing. Am I forging a new path or limiting choices by overlooking other experiences?
I sometimes look to my peers, mothers whose calendars are filled with lessons and games, performances and competitions. I wonder if they have broken a code that creates a more well-balanced child. Doubt challenges my confidence.
Just as I embrace the possibility that I have done everything wrong, I look up and catch sight of my children playing. One child swinging contentedly while studying the clouds; the other curled over a treasure trove of small rocks. It is a simple life with simple joys. I tuck my doubts away for now, hopeful that in following my heart I have chosen wisely.
doubtfully dutiful
April 24, 2012 § 2 Comments
I can remember my earliest moments of awkward endeavors as a homemaker. I didn’t know how to cook, didn’t understand what needed to be cleaned, and I faced creating a home with all the grace of a small child finger painting with their mother’s make-up. Years later I try harder, my husband accepts my best while overlooking occasional oversights, and somehow I manage to address the daily duties of my life as a stay at home mother with heart and humor.
This morning peering eagerly into our refrigerator in search of breakfast trappings my husband marveled at the empty shelves. His confusion inspired my own curiosity over the enigma that is grocery shopping. I began visualizing the aisles at our local grocery store, mentally shopping the shelves, trying to envision what I forgot. I shop the perimeter of produce and meats, most of my food is nestled in drawers. So what does go on the shelves? When I shared my wonderment with my husband, he laughed in amused agreement. Not so much at my way of decoding the mystery, but because I was earnestly trying to find the solution.
This problem solving phenomenon is ongoing. I am perpetually stumbling over tasks I didn’t expect and expectations that I was previously oblivious to. Cleaning beneath things that don’t move and above things I can’t see still make me giggle. Some days my job feels accidentally familiar and I secretly applaud my ability. Other days I can feel myself wobbling in my big girl shoes as I try to create a home for my family. Either way my days are equal parts made-up nonsense and elbow grease. I’m playing house, improvising daily with an endearing cast of characters.
our happy
April 23, 2012 § Leave a comment
It began with a line from the movie “We Bought a Zoo”. Their happy is too loud. The little girl in the movie identified the noisy sounds of a neighbor’s party as a loud happy. A week later, between the bedtime routines of bath and books, my daughter assured me it is okay for my happy to be noisy.
My happy is quiet and content. For me, happy is a noun. My daughter’s happy is a verb; she moves with joy and passion, those closest to her cannot escape the emotion that flows between everything she does. From painting to swinging beneath a brilliant sky, her company carries an exuberance that tugs at your smile and dares you to keep from giggling.
Most often, my daughter is the person that makes me forget myself; I get tangled in the curious language that encompasses her wisdom and humor. Her thoughts are as genuine as they are amusing and somewhere in her delivery I applaud my good fortune that my days are sprinkled with spontaneity and smiles.
My little girl is the first person to reach for our hands, tend to our hurts, and celebrate our accomplishments. Her happy weaves itself around my contentment, the balance of her noise and my silence a lovely duet.
chain reaction
April 18, 2012 § Leave a comment
Today I attended a presentation at my son’s school where students were challenged to actively nurture a school culture based in kindness, compassion, and respect. Challenges included looking for the good in others, setting goals, choosing positive role models, and embracing forgiveness.
The presentation was based on the life of Rachel Scott, a young girl whose life was cut short in the tragic school shooting at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999. Throughout the video presentation Rachel’s family members and peers paid tribute to a young girl whose words of wisdom and good deeds left a legacy of kindness in the wake of tragedy.
Rachel’s Challenge strives to replace acts of violence and bullying with interpersonal connections and goals. I celebrate any endeavor to inspire children to act in kindness and dream big. As a parent I believe we teach by example and I embraced this opportunity to identify ways in which I could model each challenge at home.
The first challenge asked the students to Eliminate Prejudice by looking for the best in one another; setting aside first impressions or unkind thoughts to actively look for the good in others. I tend to identify things I admire about others, friends and strangers, but the speaker cited an example I had not considered: people who bring out an instinctive negative response. I considered people whose company makes me feel negative and challenged myself to display kindness towards those individuals I tend to withdraw from.
The second challenge is to Dare to Dream by keeping a journal and setting goals. I honor the theory that we draw dreams into reality by visualizing them and mapping our journey to fruition. In this way I celebrate encouraging children to give voice to their dreams. Even I could substitute I will for I wish; using language to claim accountability for my goals.
The third challenge is to Choose Positive Influences, drawing on positive role models for success. I am fortunate in that I am surrounded by friends and family who inspire me. As my children’s role model I must consider how my choices and language communicate success. Where in my life do I set aside goals for comfort?
The fourth challenge asked students to use Kind Words and show Little Acts of Kindness. I am challenging myself to be mindful of overlooked opportunities to be kind, bad days when I sacrifice my best for good enough.
Before ending the presentation the speaker asked the audience to close their eyes and envision a time when they had acted unkindly, to own that moment, and move past it in forgiveness with intent to act in kindness. The speaker also asked those treated unkindly to let go of feelings of anger weighing their spirits in negative emotions. Then we were all called to leave old harm behind us and move forward.
The final challenge was to start a Chain Reaction, demonstrate kindness and pay it forward. With that in mind I am sharing these simple thoughts and challenging anyone reading this to consider how they might become a link in a universal chain of kindness in words and deeds.
